"mommy, i was praying for you."

Yesterday, when i was at work, i misplaced my car and house keys. I regret to say, my first reaction was one of distress and anxiety. I searched for several hours to no avail. Finally, i had to call my dh to bring me his extra set from home. He and my eldest ds brought them to work and also helped me search again for my set. When i was walking out with ds to my car to check again for the keys, ds held my hand and said “mommy, I was praying for you so that your pain will go away.” I was blown away! Such an example of child-like faith. Here i was in a tizzy frantically looking for my lost keys and my ds’s first thought was to pray. My first reaction was one of panic to the circumstances and it took a little child to speak God’s heart to me. I acted as if this was a crisis. This was not a crisis, i had not lost a family member, had my town destroyed by disaster, been tortured for my beliefs, not had enough food to feed my family....i only lost my keys! Just this past wednesday evening my pastor had repeated the text i know by heart…”do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6

I had already forgotten! Thank you Lord for the children!

"i'm real and true"

Whenever my preschool age ds (aka dear or darling son) wants to emphasize his point, especially the validity or truthfulness of his point, he adds the qualifier, "i'm real and true." Often what he has said is humorous, the type of statement that promotes an art linkleter-ish "kids say the darndest things" chuckle from my dh or me ... or ds' statement may be so profound that our mouths hang open. Our reaction prompts ds to aggressively state "but i am real and true!" Such apparent astuteness can temporarily deceive us into thinking that there is gifted maturity behind ds' thoughts and statements. However, as any parent knows from experience, that is usually not the case. This lack of maturity is evident in his daily actions.

I relate my frustration as a parent to what God must feel with us. When we correct ds for what seems to be the millionth time and he promises never to repeat his action only to turn around and repeat the offense yet AGAIN...i feel betrayed, disappointed, and maddened. Often ds will add a quick and desparate, "sorry, sorry, sorry." I have learned that this is not genuine repentence for his actions but instead fearful regret as he tries appease us so that he can avoid the disciplinary action to come.

How often have i apologized to God for my disobedience only to turn around and disappoint Him again and again. I used to wonder why God continued to forgive the Israelites and Jesus' disciples after they made both willful and foolish blunders again and again. However, i am just like them when i choose to stray or stumble repeatedly, yet He is faithful to discipline me and forgive me perpetually. It has taken me years to realize that God's correction and refinement of me is making me into the person he desires me to be so that i can realize, enjoy, and be a blessing in my place in His body.

Therefore, i know, even when it pains me to discipline ds, in the end i can help ds learn how to control himself and how to accept discipline so that he can be a fulfilled servant of God who understands his role in the body.

He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding. -proverbs 15:32

He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray. -proverbs 10:17

Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. -job 5:17

Motherhood defines me

A few weeks ago a friend of ours was relating the story of a female client of his who did not want to be defined by motherhood. My first thought was one of sadness. Sadness that this woman is missing out on acknowledging one of the most miraculous, satisfying, and delightful relationships and responsibilities with which a person can be blessed. I am thrilled to be defined by motherhood. The pinnacle expericne of motherhood has opened up my heart to a new love, a love that i struggle to explain in mere words.
Also, being a mother, being a parent.... allows me to understand other relationships. God uses parenthood in the bible to explain so many of his principals. It was not until i had children that i began to fully understand the unadulterated, unconditional, sacrifical love that God has for us, his children.
Motherhood also brings me to a new stage of relying on God. There is a suffering helplessness i feel when my child is sick. Last night our eldest ds woke up with a fever. I do not know the cause of his illness or how to cure it but i do know i must pray because all we need is available from God. I pray for knowledge for myself and my dh, for peace for myself and for my ailing child, and for healing for ds.
Motherhood defines me.