recent conversations

in the car on the way home one afternoon...
4 year old........ "Mom, L is my best friend."
me.................. "Oh? I thought N was your best friend."
4 year old........ "He is."
me.................."Oh, okay."
4 year old........ "I have a lot of best friends."
me.................. "Really? Who?"
4 year old........ "All the people who honor God and not the people who don't honor God."
me.................. "Really? God wants us to love everyone."
4 year old........ silence


during our Passover Seder...
9 year old........ (looking at the table set with dishes and the Seder plate) "Is this all we get to eat? Where is the rest of the food?"

4 year old........ (during the Seder) "Can we eat now?"
(later during the Seder) "I want real food."

9 year old........ (after the entire meal) "This is cool. I like this. Can I have some more matzoh?"


dinner, the day following our Seder...
me.................."You know that Jesus and the disciples probably ate food similar to this, fish and lentils."
9 year old........ "Is this another Passover meal?"

fear, safety and Pesach

This past weekend the boys and I drove to North Carolina to see my mom and attend a party she was throwing. Saturday morning we headed out for what is routinely a 3-4 hour trip. I prefer to drive in the AM because as I am aging I find that driving on the highway in the dark is more difficult. I am more alert and able to see better in the AM. After checking the weather, I knew we would be driving in the rain and that formidable weather was forecast for the area from southern NC to Georgia.

As I drove I repeatedly scanned the radio stations for weather information and EBS alerts. All was fine for the first two and a half hours, then I heard the tornado warning broadcast. I exited immediately only to find that there was not anything except another road at the end of the exit. So I immediately crossed back over to return to the interstate. I hoped that we would find another exit with a safe place to stop. However, within minutes the rain dumped on that section of the interstate with a torrential rain like I had never seen before. It went from bad to worse very rapidly. I asked T to pray as I focused on driving going about 5 mph with white-knuckled intensity. (M slept through the entire ordeal- Thank you, Lord!) I had to pull over because I could not see and I was startled each time another vehicle seemed to appear next to us out of nowhere. Tim and I sat holding hands and praying. I am grateful for praying in the Spirit because I was so gripped by fear that my own thoughts were inadequate.

I have thought a great deal about how I reacted to this weekend's situation. I think my fear comes from my inability to protect my children from something as powerful as weather. I have experienced this type of extreme fear only a few other times--the night Andy died is one of those. The look on his face as I stood beside his bed and spoke with the emergency dispatcher--that look is fixed in my memory. When I am mentally swept back to that night and that moment, I relive the grip that fear had on my heart.

I do not want fear to be my initial reaction to any situation. I am disappointed in my lack of spiritual maturity. Monday I read the following in my devotional:

“This battle for the heart of man is basically the determination of whether fear or faith will rule. Faith begins by knowing God's acceptance of us through the cross.”-Rick Joyner

Passover began this week and the boys and I celebrated with a Seder. This is the first year we have been off from school and work for Passover. (It just makes it easier to have the time to prep and enjoy the evening.) We recounted God's provision and miracles for the Israelites as they were delivered from slavery. We read of Jesus' celebration of Passover in the hours before his trial and crucifixion. We recalled God's provision for our salvation and we ended with our recollection of what God had done for us this year.

Most of what we are grateful for over the past year has to do with health and safety...

...T's successful surgery and healing, including the problem being much less severe than the doctor had anticipated thereby requiring a much simpler and shorter surgery

...our safety over the past year including this past weekend's ordeal

...the health and safety of our loved ones (amidst birth, surgeries, accidents, etc.)

I pray that next year at Passover, my recollection of the year will include how I reacted in faith not in fear.

Currently listening to:
Beautiful Scandalous Night by Sixpence None the Richer
Never Alone by Barlow Girl

Dinner:
Now on the first day of the Feast of the Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus, saying to Him, “Where do You want us to prepare for You to eat the Passover?” And He said, “Go into the city to a certain man, and say to him, ‘The Teacher says, “My time is at hand; I will keep the Passover at your house with My disciples.”‘ So the disciples did as Jesus had directed them; and they prepared the Passover. When evening had come, He sat down with the twelve. Matthew 26:17-20

When the hour had come, He sat down, and the twelve apostles with Him. Then He said to them, “With fervent desire I have desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer; for I say to you, I will no longer eat of it until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God.” Luke 22:14-16

Currently reading:
Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions
Devotion Explosion
Stories Behind the Traditions and Songs of Easter

Today grateful for:
my boys
God
the Bible
family
family nights

additional thoughts

Today I read the passage quote below in a Morningstar devotional by Rick Joyner.

It made me think of my last blog post about about feeling powerless and healing.

“As stated, there are good and bad questions, which can actually be the same question. Whether they are good or bad is determined by our motives. There was nothing wrong with Eve wanting to understand theTree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. It was only wrong for her to eat from it. God created us with curiosity, which is the foundation of a seeking heart. However, we must always guard ourselves against the trap that Eve fell into, which is doubting God. He is true, just, and always has our best interests in mind. Anything that causes us to doubt Him will lead to evil. This often begins with a simple tendency to just want to bend the rules.

It is the Lord's delight to turn our weaknesses into strengths. It is the devil's delight to turn our strengths into weaknesses, or opportunities to cause us to fall. He will try to take a seeking heart and turn it into a cynical heart. A cynical heart questions everything from the perspective of doubt rather than faith. This has caused the tragic fall of journalism in our own time, taking those who begin with a desire for truth and understanding, and sowing such a cynical attitude in them that they often become strongholds for the accuser of the brethren. “

I don’t think in this case I am being cynical. (I am definitely cynical on other occasions.) I don’t think I doubt God when I consider unanswered prayer. Instead I am questioning the human interpretation of God’s promises. I believe God’s promises speak to the protection of our soul and protection from being separated from Him.

Romans 8:35-39

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;

we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

powerless

Lately we have been through a round of sicknesses at our house. We have had quite a bit of sickness in our house this year. None of these has been life threatening, thank goodness. In the past 20 plus hours, my eldest has been battling what appears to be seasonal allergies. The "tickle" in his throat has led to coughing whenever he's awake. Again I am praying for healing from this both aloud in front of him and even more so silently and aloud on my own.

Whenever the boys are sick it reminds me of just how helpless I am and how I have no control over life in general. I pray for healing when one of us is sick but honestly I am not sure anything will happen. I continually pray and ask for more faith. Every time I feel this helplessness and every time I pray for their healing it reminds me of how so many of us prayed fervently for Andy's healing in the days before he died.