Sunshine and dust

Last December as part of a book club, I read The Power of Agency by Dr. Paul Napper and Dr. Anthony Rao. Little did I know then, that the coming year would be one with very little time for agency.

“Agency is what allows you to pause, evaluate, and act when you face a challenge—be it at work, home, or anywhere else in the world” (Napper, 2019)

This year with increased work from my job, a new volunteer position, and having lost my house helper and carpool assistant, Tim, to college life, I have very minimal "agency" time. These days I struggle with distraction during my morning quiet times. 

In the years immediately following Andy's death, I clung to God as a small, terrified child who holds a death grip on his mother's leg for security. Those morning quiet times were never long enough. God spoke to me in those mornings and through His Word.  I was closer to God then, than any time previously. 

This week I had a reprieve with the Thanksgiving holiday. The university, school, and volunteer organizations were closed for Thursday, Friday, and the adjacent weekend. It takes me at least two days of any time off, to wind down and get past the chores and responsibilities to a place of mental retreat. 

This Sunday as I sat at the kitchen table searching scripture, sunshine flooded in through the window. I was occupied, desperately seeking God's face as I am certain He is preparing me for a yet to be revealed time or task. The sunlight illuminated the dust and dirt covering my table, chairs and floor. 

Didn't I just clean and mop this after dinner last night? Out of that distraction came insight.

God's Word is the light shining into my heart and mind, illuminating every speck, including what is not from Him. Proper introspection can come only from staying in daily touch with God--asking Him to show me and teach me.

currently listening to:
bread machine

currently reading: 
Genesis
The Cost of Discipleship
The Lazy Genius Way
The ministry of ordinary places
Stylish Academic Writing
1984

today grateful for:  
time with my boys
God's faithfulness
His word 
paid time off
modern technology and online church services
clean water 
sunshine

mundane thing & thankfulness

today, i have used this utensil at least 4 times.  i wash it and reuse it daily.  each time i use it, i think of my brother and sister-in-law.

they have a tradition each year for Christmas of giving me a collection of their favorite things.  this spatula was a favorite thing a year or so ago.  i am blessed, because each time i use it i give thanks for my brother and his wife.  my brother and i both found and married our spouses late in life...in our thirties.  my sister-in-law is an answer to many years of prayer.  prayers i prayed for my brother for his heart, mind and soul.

i am thankful and blessed that my sister-in-law is a follower of Christ, has a heart for missions, loves and takes care of my brother.

i am thankful that as a couple they love Christ, have hearts for others, are prayer warriors and devoted disciples.

lately several folks i know have shared their brokenheartedness and memories of the loss of ones they hold dear...a child, a spouse, a sibling.   please take no moment, no day, no opportunities for granted.  hug them, enjoy their voices, tell them what they mean to you.

R & E, I love you and give thanks for you both!!!!

currently listening to:
local newscast

dinner: 
pizza (kids)

chef salad (me)

currently reading:
when God doesn't fix it
the more of less
psalms
colossians
today grateful for:
my boys
answered prayers
God's patience and love for me
electricity, clean water, safety, good health
fellowship with believers

the pain of our lives

today i came across a fascinating video which illustrates and explains the flow of the book of psalms. i have learned an abundance of things from the psalms. God showed me his grace, mercy, forgiveness and comfort in psalm 34.

after andy's death, when i was afraid my faith would be shaken if i asked "why," psalms showed me how david pressed into the Lord with questions of "why?"  as this video states, the psalms illustrate how "not to ignore pain in our lives" and how faith is forward looking.  as i once heard, "do not waste your trials."  everything is an opportunity.

faith gives us hope and hope looks forward.


dinner:
sauteed chicken and apple 
homebaked bread
sweet potatoes

currently reading:
isaiah 1
don't waste your life by john piper
the mysterious benedict society

grateful for:
happy boys
good health
an unencumbered schedule for a saturday
cooler temps
electricity
clean water
safety
the United States
God's wisdom and patience
His word

send

 "as the Father sent Me, 

       I also send you." 

                   -john 20:21

today our worship service and a fellowship meal following were focused on a mission field that was over ten years in the making from our church.  i thoroughly enjoyed hearing the story of the history and prayers that were sowed into this mission field.

i know my purpose as a mother is to prepare my boys for their mission works...as disciples...as husbands...as fathers...as followers and believers.
most days i feel utterly inadequate for this task.

today, i felt pangs of my failure when my oldest went ahead of us to pick out seats for us at the fellowship luncheon.  with a choice of a dozen long tables with 30+ seats and a handful of small tables with 3-4 seats, he chose a segregated table for 3.  i felt i had failed him by my propensity towards introversion.

i have to fight the urge to become a hermit of sorts on a daily basis. but i know that in order to step out for God, i must be bold and seek out relationships.  i have to show and teach my boys this.  it means overcoming that desire for seclusion.  

part of the chronicle of the featured mission field at church is the song, "oceans," by hillsong. 

the highlighted words below from the song, mean a great deal to me.


And I will call upon Your name
 And keep my eyes above the waves
 When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

our pastor included matthew 16:18 in his teaching today.   

it is imperative and reassuring to remember the declaration of this verse, since it is horrifyingly apparent in this age, we are facing the "gates of hell" around the world.

the victory is WON! 

no matter what circumstances seem to show.... 

satan shall NOT, can NOT, will NOT prevail.

dinner:

leftovers (we have leftovers on the sabbath to minimize work)

currently reading:
2 blogs with lenten devotionals:         www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com

1 john 1

matthew 16

various psalms

the secret thoughts of an unlikely convert

24/6

today grateful for:

sunshine

worship

worship music and worship teams & choirs

God's truth

God's faithfulness

God's provision

the WORD

the sabbath

clean water

laughter

guidance

it was a tough weekend as our dear kitty passed away.  she was at least 16 years old and had cancer.  she had slowed down and had lost a great deal of weight and strength since the fall of 2014.  she was the sweetest cat--never hissed or clawed or scratched--in fact she was a bit of a "scaredy cat."  

i was dreading her death because i was worried about how the boys would take it.  my oldest has had the most intense reaction to her failing health.  there have a been a few weekends when we thought she was close to death.  on this past thursday, when she stopped eating and drinking i knew the end was near.  i am thankful for God's timing as this past week was spring break for my oldest.  so when the kitty began have small seizures on thursday night, my son spent the night on the floor next to her comforting her throughout the night.  i was glad he did not have school on friday as it was an emotional drain on him.  our kitty passed away just a bit after 8 pm on friday night.  my son was beside her, but he was not looking at her directly.  he wanted to hold himself guilty in that he thought if he had been looking at her and touching her, she would have lived longer.   

i know these type of guilty thoughts when one you love dies.  i had the same thoughts many times regarding my husband's death.  rethinking things i thought i should have and could have done to change the outcome.  hard thoughts.

this was another one of those times when i wish i was not the only adult in the house.  i would have relied on my husband.  when my first cat died in 1998 a few weeks before we were married, i could not handle even telling the vet that my decision was to have her euthanized.  andy took care of that.  

but this time, it was up to me.  i had to bag her body up and dig the hole.  it was hard and i prayed along every step of the process because i was at a loss for what to say and do.  

so many times since andy's death, people have remarked, "you are so strong."  it is a lie.  i have no strength in myself.  i am so thankful---i can call on God--the source of all my strength.

i am often surprised that i do not call on God as quickly and frequently as i should.  i would have thought i would be at a higher level of spiritual maturity at this point in life.  in my hindsight many times, i wonder why it has taken me hours and sometimes days before i turn to God for strength or answers.  

sadness, stress, decisions, conflicts and struggles can hit me hard.  i have recognized since andy's death that i battle with depression. as i look back i have battled it since i was young.  it just occurred to me this weekend, that this may have a deeper cause---and i should seek God's guidance in dealing with it---to ask HIm to show me, teach me.  He has probably showed me this solution before....but it has taken me a while to hear and listen and obey.

dinner:
leftovers

currently reading:
2 blogs with lenten devotionals:         www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com

john14-16

the secret thoughts of an unlikely convert

24/6

today grateful for:
life group

sunshine

God's truth

God's faithfulness

God's timing

God's provision

the WORD

the sabbath

a working automobile

sweet times with my boys

my oldest son's tender heart

to cease, desist, rest

today since it was still icy, too icy for me to venture out before 10 am, i informed the boys that we would observe the Sabbath at home.  when i asked them what the word, Sabbath, meant--- i was shocked that they did not know.   one answer was that it was one day a year where we did something special--i think he was thinking of passover.

so i read them exodus 20:8-11.   then i found a youtube video with an interview of a doctor who had become a christian 10 years before and was now the author of the book, 24/6.  


 שָׁבַת


the root of the word Sabbath (strong's h7676) is  שָׁבַת  shabath---which means to cease, desist, rest.   cease and desist reminds me of legal terms.   i do not believe we should be legalistic with regards to the Sabbath.  as i read in exodus 32:16, observing the Sabbath is part of our covenant with God.   dr. sleeth, the author of 24/6, states by observing the Sabbath all your life, you add 11 years of time spent with God.

the three of us spent time on this Sabbath viewing the video, 21 martyrs, worshiping at 11 am with a local church via their service broadcast live on the internet, having a family night, and having one quiet hour each devoted to a choice of prayer, reading, writing, creating as hopefully guided by His presence.   after the hour we came back together to share what we each did or what God gave us during that time.

from now on, on our Sabbath, we:

---will participate in corporate worship and fellowship,

---will limit electronics to just a few hours (maybe--hopefully working our way to no electronic distractions),

---will not do chores,

---will not do schoolwork, homework (aside from leisure reading), and

---will devote a minimum of one hour to reflection, mediation, reading, writing, creating with a focus upon God.



dinner:

roasted chicken

potatoes

arugula salad with roasted beets

currently reading:
2 blogs with lenten devotionals:         www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com

exodus 

my single mom life

today grateful for:
warmer temps to melt the ice

Sabbath

His provision  

multiple print translations of the Bible

the WORD

my boys' willingness and obedience

technology to connect us to our fellow Christians

snowy morning

no matter how dark the shadows or how deep the void looks in the night, the morning always comes.   

there is persistently hope.   

dawn seems most vivid in the winter.    

perhaps, when we ache for the warmth, the morning sun is brightest.

a new day brings new assurance and expectation.    

i was not lost in the abyss of the night.    

though i could not see in the dark, he never left me.   

even though i felt abandoned, He waited beside me.  

He lingered and guarded, waiting for my next move.   

waiting for me to speak His name or reach out my thoughts toward Him.   

the sunrise is the brilliant, circadian reminder that…

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,                                Because His compassions fail not.                                                              They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.                      “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,  “Therefore I hope in Him!”                 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him.          It is good that one should hope and wait quietly                                          For the salvation of the Lord.
              lamentations 3:22-26

breakfast:
oatmeal

coffee

currently reading:
2 blogs with lenten devotionals:         www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com

jeremiah 

lamentations 3

today grateful for:
a snowy morning

warmth

coffee

clean water

safety

His provision  

good health

the WORD

fire

the sun

snow days

i am thankful for a week of snow days, not for my usual reasons–

-a chance to sleep in, 

-a chance to do housework, 

-a chance to play in the snow with my boys, 

-a chance to read, 

-a chance to cook, or such---

---but because for most of the time i have chosen to stay home and think.   to meditate upon purpose and the Word in the holy days which begin the season of Lent… the 40 days leading up to Easter.  

i began reading and will continue to read two blogs which are focusing upon Lenten thoughts--- www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com .   these two writers have a gift for words which inspire me to seek more of God and His Word.

i want to accomplish a few things in the next 40 days---

---aiming my children’s thoughts daily upon God’s heart and His will 

---narrowing my focus and refocusing upon God, His heart and His love 

---eliminating things that take my focus away from God

tonight before we did our nightly “thankfuls,” i asked the boys to close their eyes and meditate as well as pray for God to show them meaning regarding the scripture Jeremiah 24:7.   i am aware any day could be my last and every moment i am given is the opportunity to point them towards seeking and hearing from God.   there will be times in their lives in which they will have to make  solemn and deliberate choices.    it is my task to prepare them as God directs.

wachet auf !!!

awake, arise !!!

dinner:
spaghetti

currently reading:
2 blogs with lenten devotionals:         www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com

jeremiah

today grateful for:
snow days

my boys

good health

the WORD

electricity, technology, and access to inspiration writing

a warm home

the power of words

this weekend i am thankful for "words" from those i love.

my oldest son competes with a teen Bible quizzing group.  i was tickled to get to see his team compete this saturday.  usually the competitions are several hours away and he travels with the team.  i have only been to one other --his first competition.   although his team came in 2nd place....the highlights of the day came for me when first, he said the opening prayer before one of the rounds.  hearing him pray boldly from the heart gave me goosebumps.  

i did not grow up hearing anyone besides the church minister pray aloud, except the times when my dad said our standard grace before a meal.  it took me years (in my 30's)  to overcome my self consciousness of praying aloud and pray with the focus on God.  i am thankful my boys have learned and embraced faith at a younger age.

the second highlight at the weekend's competition was hearing my son answer a question with a verse he had memorized:

 Then Paul answered, “Why are you weeping and breaking my heart? I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.”

                                                                                     Acts 21:13

i pray that these verses are written on his heart and he will be equipped to draw upon these words when needed. The Word---The Living Word


today i received an email from my brother with a message, his own words that mean more to me than i can express.

i am thankful for words and the Word that bless me.

dinner:
tacos

currently reading:
the last girls

acts

today grateful for:
weekends

my boys

my brother

my brother's wife

good health for my family

words

the WORD

a working vehicle 

a warm home

clean water

laughter

snow days

thankful, day 27

I am thankful to have the day off on the day before Thanksgiving. I was blessed to be able to enjoy taking lunch to my youngest and eating with him at school. I am thankful for the school he attends--for the teachers, staff and principal. I am thankful it is a safe place where kids are kids with all of their innocence and silliness--that at his school the majority of the kids come from families that value childhood and education.









dinner:
chicken and latkes with applesauce

listening to:
dishwasher

currently reading:
pioneer woman cooks food from the frontier
john
roll of thunder hear my cry
the hundred dresses

today grateful for:
my boys
our neighborhood school
the Messiah
the feast of rededication
school breaks
clean water, electricity, dishwasher
warm clothes, warm house
God's provision
safety 
freedom

losing faith

I have a charm bracelet that I purchased for myself. On it are 5 charms. Four have initials---mine, my husband's and one for each of my sons. The fifth matches the others in style but has the word, "faith."

Tonight as my boys and I were saying our daily thankfuls, I looked down and realized my "faith" charm was gone. I had lost faith. I was struck with the humor of it.

Losing your faith is a choice not an accident. I have had many opportunities to "lose my faith." I have heard others, who have suffered hardships or losses, speak of losing their faith or being mad at God. I cannot control my circumstances but I can control my choices...my reactions to these. When my husband died, I sought God. But as I heard it stated today, I cannot live off "day old" manna. In other words, each day I must renew my mind, wake up and choose to seek that relationship with God. I know no matter what happens, God never leaves me, never goes a distance from me, never chooses to separate from me.

I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I will do, and I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16

For the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:5 

God has said,“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Hebrews 13:4

Being close to God is a choice....taking refuge in Him, falling weak into his presence.

For me, the first step is the hardest to take. I cannot count the number of times I have taken a first step. Why is it hard? Because it is a battle that begins with the first step. Darkness loses when I take the first step.

Watching a spiritually uplifting video,
                             singing a song,
                                           listening to a recording of God's word,
                                                        reading anything from the Bible....

1 step



Be encouraged ... take a step.

video links:

a testimony of faith   https://www.dropbox.com/sh/yqpmrrjb8pr90r9/AQ77ummvF?lst#lh:null-Robin%20Foutz_WideAwake.mov

facing a trial   http://vimeo.com/66564850

dinner:
at our fav local dive

currently listening to:
night insects
a snoring dog

currently reading:
being george washington
the river
isaiah

today grateful for: 
faith
life and living it
God's peace
His word
my boys
hugs from my boys
a job
good health
testimonies of God's promises, miracles, and faithfulness

my one word

my one word, after much prayer and thought... 


in frozen earth, she will bloom.

in compost, she will bloom.

after forest fires, she will bloom.

following floods, she will bloom.

after harsh winters, she will bloom.

in parched sand, she will bloom.

choked by weeds, she will bloom.

overshadowed by haughty trees, she will bloom.

nourished by the Word, she will bloom.

cultivated by God, her children will bloom.

in the midst of His love, she will bloom.

consumed by His peace, she will bloom.

secure in God’s plan, she will bloom.

in the shadow of His wings, she will bloom.

in the presence of His victory, she will bloom.

to His glory, she will bloom.

the desert and the parched land will be glad;
    the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
like the crocus, it will burst into bloom;
    it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.  isaiah 35:1-2

thank you, Jill and Sunshine for your inspiration which points to God


dinner:
sandwiches

currently listening to:
a snoring dog and a dripping faucet

currently reading:
my one word
a wind in the door
praying God's word

today grateful for: 
God' presence and provision
His word
answers to my prayers
friends
my boys 
my church
my oldest son's musical gifts
a job
my youngest son's contagious laughter
good health

lukewarm

Lately I have felt lukewarm spiritually. I have neglected my "Refuge."

I have felt stuck in the middle between a very, exhausting workplace and issues of parenting that I feel inadequate to handle.

I am a teacher and yet both of my children have struggles at school-one academically and one behaviorally. I serve in a leadership position at work which has required me to put in several 9+ hour days lately. The feeling of failure both at work and at home have been intense. I am spread too thin and I have been ineffective.

In the past month, I have faced many decisions. When I have to make a difficult decision, I want to run away. My late husband was my rock in this area-the decision maker. After his death, my avoidance of decision making has grown worse! There is no one with whom to mull over choices about disciplining children, making schooling choices, financial plans, and so many other things both mundane and important.

Often the thought crosses my mind, I am a grown-up, in my late 40's. I should be able to tackle these things. How do you get to this point in life and still feel the need to have someone more "grown-up" to help me. Calling Mom is no longer an option.

Once again, I have to start over, giving it to God. I ask myself, why do I have to feel crushed before I seek His refuge? I have no long elaborate prayers. Just the simple, "I need you. I cannot do this." As many times as I have done that before, I am always amazed with how quickly He answers.

I am encouraged by persecuted Christians thousands of miles away. I am heartened by stories of the strong faith of African widows who must scrape by to feed their children. I am inspired by parents who have suffered devastating loss yet have remained faithful. I am refreshed by widow friends and single moms I know who see past themselves to take care of others.

dinner:
pizza

currently listening to:
a snoring dog and the portable heater

currently reading:
my one word
a wind in the door

today grateful for: 
God, His faithfulness and His answers to my prayers
friends
my boys 
snuggling with my boys
my oldest son's caring way with his little brother
a job
provision 
good health

days like today...need "do over" buttons

After I put the kids to bed tonight, I had that heavy I-get-the-bad-parenting-award feeling. Our day started out fine, pleasant in fact. However, we leapt off the cliff by day's end.

Lately, my patience is as thin as a wafer from daily wear and tear on the home front. It did not take long today to gash through my scant reserve only a short while after whining, complaining and opposition began. Add to that the homework, studying for tests, school projects and household tasks, and I was a goner. The occasions are rare when a child exhibits initiative or forethought. As the only adult in the house, there is no mediator to step in or tag team partner to take over when I am spent. Many days feel like I am trying to run uphill while towing a trailer full of wild, screaming monkeys as the freezing rain pelts me.

On the bright side, at this hour of the night I cannot run to the grocery store to buy a pint of ice cream.

When days end this way, I try to refocus before I go to bed. Sometimes it takes longer to unload and unwind. Often I find music my path to refreshing. Tonight when I opened my Pandora internet radio station, "hymns for worship," the following was the first song.



Thank you God for music.

currently listening to:
pandora radio, hymns

dinner:
mexican

currently reading:
the last battle
no other gods
7: an experimental mutiny against excess
helping children know God
galatians, psalms

today grateful for:
God
my boys
forgiveness and hope
home
music (and technology to easily access it)
sleep

the more I learn, the more I don't know

In my studies of late, I read the following passage from Isaiah 45:7

I form the light and create darkness,
I make peace and create calamity;
I, the LORD, do all these things. (NKJV)

Calamity, what?!?! Did I read that correctly? Let me read it again. I am going to look that up in other translations.

I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things. (NIV)

I form the light and create darkness, I make peace [national well-being] and I create [physical] evil (calamity); I am the Lord, Who does all these things.(AMPLIFIED)

I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. (KJV)

I form light and create darkness,
I make harmonies and create discords.
I, God, do all these things. (THE MESSAGE)

Okay, I am not sure reading other translations helps. Do I pursue this further or just let it slip from my mind. I let the "whys" slip from my mind after Andy died. I cannot ask God, "Why?" Maybe I don't want to hear the answer. After Andy died, there was one thing I have been sure of and have used as my total support at times--God is always with me. I am afraid if I ask why, my faith might waiver and then where would I be. This is just the sort of discussion I would have with Andy.

currently listening to:
boys playing

dinner: (last night)
mexican (out)

currently reading:
the silver chair
god doesn't blink
Isaiah

today grateful for:
my boys
God

"Holy Communion, Batman!"

I have been sort of house bound for the last few days, as my youngest recovers from a surgical procedure. My youngest is energetic...to put it politely. During this recovery, my motherly task has been trying to keep him occupied as about every 30 minutes, he announces, "I'm bored"...and to keep him from busting his stitches wide open. Yesterday, he decided to use the inclined pillow, that has become our family "sick" trophy, as a ramp of sorts. He used it like a skateboarder might, except he has no board...he just runs up it and the leaps into the air.

Since I had to take some sick days in order to attend to my son, I thought I might get to catch up on my sleep. Ha, ha, ha...NOT! There has been something to break up my sleep every night, so far. Tonight, I have not been feeling well. After catching up on some book reading, I turned to catching up on my blog reading. A post, "I think I messed up with my kids" on the "The Worst Preacher's Wife Ever," was a great distraction and reminded me of a story of my oldest son's first communion experience.

It was a Sunday morning in December when my son was either 3 or 4 years old. The annual nativity story was being acted out at our church during the morning service. So all the children, including the youngest preschoolers were in attendance. As the actors moved into their places, I pointed out his friends' parents who were playing Mary and Joseph. When I pointed out the baby in the mother's arms, saying, "Look there's Grant's little brother," my son retorted, "Nu-uh, that's JESUS!"

After the performance, communion was being served. My son clasped his hands together and pleaded very loudly, "Please, please, please can I have some of the snack?" The missionary seated in front of us, turned, smiled and chuckled. In my feeble attempt to get him to lower his voice and sit down, I explained that this was not a snack, but communion. Further explaining that communion is something we do to remember how Jesus died for us. His expression turned to one of horror as he yelled out even louder than before, "Jesus died?!" It took me a second to realize he thought Grant's little brother---whom he firmly believed was Jesus, was now dead.

currently listening to:
silence

dinner: (last night)
casserole

currently reading:
the silver chair
the undistracted widow
Isaiah

today grateful for:
my boys
memories
medicine
technology & bloggers

repetition

it hit me(as it has many times before) that once again i have lost that perspective that i value. the perspective that i received when andy died. the perspective of what is truly important and what is not. what i should value and what is just foolish distraction. on this journey, we drift from those initial emotional days of grief. like a ship at sea, just one degree of difference will eventually take us miles away from where we began. while reading my devotion this morning, i was reminded that God keeps the same perspective throughout time. he's always on course and always consistent. wow!

i am often frustrated by my fickleness and by how easily i am drawn off course by chores, stresses at work, projects or homework that has to be finished tonight, the never-ending laundry and housework, packing lunches, etc. the worship and glorifying God comes in doing these things daily with perspective and love from him. the biblical story of the daily gathering of manna is a vivid picture of what I must do mentally and spiritually each day--seek out what God has for me, use it and savor it deeply for this present day and then do it again tomorrow. look to God each morning for what he sets outs for me to do. just because i felt spiritually on fire in the presence of God today, does not mean i can hoard that for tomorrow. each day requires its own gathering... perspective and worship in daily repetition.

i did enjoy and savor many moments over the last 48 hours as the boys and i went camping with the cub scouts. the sites and smells of autumn...watching the boys playing together, helping each other and helping others, enjoying hot cocoa/coffee on a freezing morning, having the physical ability and the opportunity to go, participate and enjoy.

pray, worship/live, repeat

currently listening to:
silence

dinner: (last night)
chicken soup with rice, cornbread

currently reading:
the voyage of the dawn treader
the undistracted widow
moneyball
the apostolic ministry
exodus

today grateful for:
my boys
shelter
what i get to do each day
a working automobile
the bible
God