a sure thing

For the past 2+ years I have struggled each time I read the beginning of 1 Timothy 5, as to me it indicates that young widows, those under sixty, are a troublesome lot. When I read this passage, a negative, carnal, victim feeling seems to well up in my throat. It is hard to explain, but I know it is not of God. I do feel there are acquaintances, who since my husband's death, have distanced themselves from us or only speak to me about superficial things.. Before his death, I would have called them friends.

My faith is stronger now than it was prior to this tribulation. I knew prior that I could not rely on any person on this earth.

"Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save." Psalm 146:3

This has been a hard lesson for me to learn.

When I was in my twenties, I had returned to church and was involved in the choir, leading youth group, and ministry board. One December, I was en route to the choir's Christmas dinner when I was involved in a bad accident. No one from my church inquired why I had not shown up at the dinner. No one seemed to miss me. That hurt.

I knew mentally when I got married that if I relied upon my husband to meet all my needs, I would be disappointed, as we humans will always disappoint. We fall short....we are not perfect. I am doing a disservice to others, myself and God when I expect another person to meet those needs for me. I had to "stumble and get back up again" many times for this lesson. I still do....or the passage in 1 Timothy would not bother me.

I have learned a very important lesson in my forties, God promises me he will never leave me. That is my prosperity, my comfort, and my joy.

"Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD their God." Psalm 146:5

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

When all else is gone, He is enough.

Today I started thinking of all this again when I read the following this morning in a devotion from Morningstar Ministries.

"As the Apostle Paul affirmed in Acts 14:22, "...Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God." We go through trials, which are all meant to strengthen our faith and character, so we can be trusted with the authority and treasures of the age to come. This is why Paul wrote in Romans 5:3-5:

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations,

knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;

and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;

and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out

within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Here we see a progression towards proven character and the hope that does not disappoint, but it begins with tribulation. In this world we will have trials and tribulations, but they are allowed so we can experience the power and authority of resurrection life. Every cross we have to bear will lead to a greater glory. We must go through a wilderness to get to our Promised Land. The wilderness is designed to work in us that which will enable us to possess the promises of God, and to be trusted with the power and authority He has called us to walk in, which demonstrates His authority, power, and dominion.

The purpose of our Promised Land is not just to allow us to have the good life, but rather to demonstrate the nature of the Lord's kingdom and ways to a fallen world. The greatest demonstration of the Lord's kingdom was the Lord's own life. He had dominion over the earth, and over the works of the devil. He says in John 17:18, "As Thou didst send Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world."

Jesus demonstrated the power of a life in harmony with the Father. We are called to demonstrate the power of a life that is likewise in unity with Him by abiding in the Son."

That is a victory. I am victorious not a victim.

grace & peace...

"It will be like the first time."

My best friend and I have a saying. When she asks if she has told me a story, I usually do not remember the first telling. So I tell her, "Tell me again, it will be like the first time."

I am quite frustrated by my forgetfulness. Today, once again I forgot an appointment. It seems that no matter what system or reminders I use, at least once or twice a month, I forget something important. I have calendars, electronic reminders on my phone, post-it notes around the house, but my memory still regularly fails me. I used to tease Andy that he was my better half because he was the better half of my brain.

I so appreciate businesses and offices that call to remind me the day before an appointment. I do so feel like I have flunked the "good mother" program when I forget such. Another feeling bad for forgetting occasion, I took my son's DS because he wouldn't stop playing it. I promptly put it somewhere safe and out of his sight. Then I totally forgot where I hid it and I could not find it for several days. He was not happy with me to say the least. Now I use that to my advantage because I will threaten him and say, "Put your DS away or I will have to take it and you know what that can mean."

We used to joke about my absent-mindedness. Once Andy and I were at a restaurant and witnessed a waitress leading a very elderly woman by the arm while telling her, "Hon, here is your husband." I joked that I was going to have a shirt made with Andy's photo on the front along with the printed statement, "I belong to..."

When I hear Francesca Battistelli's song, I do try to find the blessing in all of this. I do strive to live in the moments and enjoy life. I guess when I am not remembering anything else, I am totally living in the moment---right?

currently listening to:
Francesca Battistelli
Johnny Test

lunch:
popcorn and soda at the movie "Cars 2"(part of that "good" mother program)

currently reading:
believing God
good grief
the lion the witch and the wardrobe
2 chronicles

today grateful for:
my boys
the Bible
provision
shade
flowers