peaceful

We just returned from our holiday trip. We were blessed to get to spend some of our time with family at a cabin in the Blue Ridge Mountains. It was a peaceful place for our holiday gathering with my husband's family. The boys love to spend time with their cousins. During this visit, they spent hours constructing and playing in "forts" in the woods.

The cabin faces southeast, so we soak in the incredible colors of the sunrises and sunsets over a breathtaking view. We can take things at a slower pace and just hang out together with few distractions.

Prior to our trip to NC, we had a quiet Christmas morning at home. My oldest was so excited for his little brother to open his gift since T had put time, thought and his own money into the gift. He was tickled with his little brother's excitement. As of yet, my youngest is not as enthusiastic in the "giving" aspect of the holidays. My mother-in-law took the boys shopping earlier this month for their gifts for me. They were both eager for me to open their gifts. A sweet time indeed.

This year, my gift to the boys was a trip, just before Christmas, to Williamsburg and Jamestown. We spent our first 2 days and 1 night at the Great Wolf Lodge. They had a blast seeing the sights, visiting with Santa, playing a scavenger hunt game in the lodge and playing at the inside waterpark.The next 2 days/nights were more low key as we visited the Jamestown Settlement and Colonial Williamsburg.

I would like to say tonight as we returned home and wrapped up our holiday week...that the day ended serenely. Alas my youngest capped off our evening here at home with a few all-out-temper-tantrums over the dinner selection and my request for him to put away his new toys.

currently listening to:
a dripping faucet

dinner:
ham, corn pudding and edamame

currently reading:
the silver chair
living in the land of enough
luke

today grateful for:
family
home
safe travel
God

everyday should feel like christmas morning

This morning...
...as look out my dining room window to see the mountains through the bare winter branches
...as I see the smoke rising from the chimney of a nearby house
...as I sip my coffee and enjoy the delicious smells of the baked french toast
...as I think about how my boys were more excited to watch each other open the gifts they chose
...as I listen to my sons playing happily together
...as I think of how thankful I am to wake up in a warm house with food and water and no imminent danger
...as I think of how I owe all my joy and fullness to my Saviour who fills me with hope
...as I think about how Christmas morning was the day of the year Andy woke up early with childlike excitement (The rest of the year, because he was a night owl, he slept in usually til 9 or 10.)
...as I imagine what this day is like in heaven ...
I wonder why this day is different than any other.

On this day, it seems easier to be filled with joy, to have compassion for our fellow man, and to enjoy the simple moments of life. Shouldn't everyday start this way?

Andy started a practice when we were first dating. He said celebrating love only on February 14th was not enough. Therefore, he declared the 14th of every month to be his day for me, "Lyn's Day."

The 25th of 2 months are special to me...our celebration of Christ's birth is on the 25th of December and Andy's birthday is on the 25th of his month. I am going to challenge myself to engage in something special to honor Christ on the 25th of every month for 2012. I know I should wake up excited EVERY morning. However, for my poor mortal mind, I want to make go to bed excited on the 24th for what the day will bring on the 25th. We shall see.

currently listening to:
boys playing and

Hallelujah chorus from Handel's Messiah "A Soulful Celebration"

breakfast:
baked french toast

currently reading:
the silver chair
silent seduction self-talk
god doesn't blink
Isaiah

today grateful for:
Jesus
my boys
God
the heart's capacity for hope, excitement, and joy

i'm done---bah humbug

I am done with Christmas this year. I am not done with Christ....just Christmas. I am ready to take down the decorations, shut off the music and return to greeting everyone with a simple "hello." I am not acting on my feelings for my children's sake. They are young...still believe in Santa...and are counting down each day.

As of Friday, I have stopped listening to Christmas music. I have to tote my own praise music since all the Christian stations are playing fa la la blah! I was feeling only vaguely anti-Christmas until-- last night. I ended up talking to my mom on the phone past my bedtime. If I miss my bedtime, then I am up for hours and then tired the next day. Don't get me wrong...I love my mom and I am glad my boys get to know her and spend time with her....but she doesn't get it. I guess it is my own fault that I forget every year that she is going to ask me at the last minute to buy the boys their birthday gifts or Christmas gifts. I plan way ahead. Prior to Andy's death, I had usually finished all of my shopping in a frugal manner before Thanksgiving. Now I still get it done usually before December, but I am just not as frugal. I abhor those last minute preparations. Now my anti-holiday feeling has grown several sizes more.

When folks ask me what I want for Christmas, a few have not liked my answer. I don't need any material items. What I want and need cannot be wrapped up. Besides the fact that I want Christmases of old before 2008, I need time, sleep, a maid, a handyman, a yard man, a chauffeur, more laughter, etc.

This year, I am taking the boys on a trip as their gift. I have told them this is their present from me this Christmas. We don't have to store it, maintain it, return it, etc. In addition to my anti-holidayishness, this year I am feeling very anti-stuff. We have too much of it. I want to be rid of so much of it, but I hate the act of sorting. Yet,I cannot just box it blindly and donate/toss it.

the more I learn, the more I don't know

In my studies of late, I read the following passage from Isaiah 45:7

I form the light and create darkness,
I make peace and create calamity;
I, the LORD, do all these things. (NKJV)

Calamity, what?!?! Did I read that correctly? Let me read it again. I am going to look that up in other translations.

I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things. (NIV)

I form the light and create darkness, I make peace [national well-being] and I create [physical] evil (calamity); I am the Lord, Who does all these things.(AMPLIFIED)

I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. (KJV)

I form light and create darkness,
I make harmonies and create discords.
I, God, do all these things. (THE MESSAGE)

Okay, I am not sure reading other translations helps. Do I pursue this further or just let it slip from my mind. I let the "whys" slip from my mind after Andy died. I cannot ask God, "Why?" Maybe I don't want to hear the answer. After Andy died, there was one thing I have been sure of and have used as my total support at times--God is always with me. I am afraid if I ask why, my faith might waiver and then where would I be. This is just the sort of discussion I would have with Andy.

currently listening to:
boys playing

dinner: (last night)
mexican (out)

currently reading:
the silver chair
god doesn't blink
Isaiah

today grateful for:
my boys
God

white friday

The growing concept of "Black Friday" disgusts me. Before I explain, I should give a bit of background information.

About 5 years ago, our household budget was tight because we had our second child and Andy's job kept being cut back. I dove wholeheartedly into frugal mode. Super saving and frugality became my idol. I thrived upon getting things at extremely low prices or better---for free. I became heavily involved in the couponing world and stockpiling. We are -still- living off of the stockpile of nonperishables.

I hate that there are folks who cannot spend Thanksgiving with their loved ones because they have to work because of Black Friday. The only solace might be for folks who need cash might get overtime pay for working on a holiday. I hate that folks fore-go time with family for the sake of things! Maybe you are getting in line to save on a Christmas present for a child....if you do this every year I wonder if the child remembers the many great gifts (long after they are broken, outdated and gone) or will he remember that every Thanksgiving his grandma and mom were absent because they were camping out in line. If you, or grandma, or the child were gone tomorrow, would the good deal matter more than time with that person?

Do we really need the latest $99 kids toy or laptop deal or camera? Will the older version not do? I decided the Friday after Thanksgiving would be a "white Friday" for me. I loaded up the car with the products of my cleaning efforts and made trips to the dump, Goodwill and a used book store. (I must say I am disappointed that used books have practically no resell value. I took 3 boxes of books and they only wanted 10 of the books.)

Since I have been cooped up in the house as my youngest is recovering, I have decided to "clean out a few closets." Of course, whenever I clean out a closet I end up with a HUGE depressing mess. It looks like the closet threw up all over the room! I let tons of stuff go in the year after Andy died. Parts of the house could have been featured on a hoarder reality show. I want to be rid of the clutter but I dread the process of going through stuff.However, I can't just box it up and throw it all out. As I have been going through boxes and stuff, I have made some discoveries...

-a $20 bill
-a Swiss Army knife my dad gave my youngest when he was first born(I put it away for safe keeping and then couldn't find it for years.)
-Andy had TONS of gaming books
-coathangers multiply
-I have way too much junk!

currently listening to:
boys arguing and making up again

dinner: (last night)
beef stroganoff, glazed carrots, pumpkin ice cream w/ snickerdoodles --thanks, "Binty!"

currently reading:
the silver chair
the undistracted widow
miss minimalist
Isaiah

today grateful for:
my boys
God
sunshine
Goodwill
our home
provision from God

gifts and gratitude

a link to a great free app.....blessings

"Holy Communion, Batman!"

I have been sort of house bound for the last few days, as my youngest recovers from a surgical procedure. My youngest is energetic...to put it politely. During this recovery, my motherly task has been trying to keep him occupied as about every 30 minutes, he announces, "I'm bored"...and to keep him from busting his stitches wide open. Yesterday, he decided to use the inclined pillow, that has become our family "sick" trophy, as a ramp of sorts. He used it like a skateboarder might, except he has no board...he just runs up it and the leaps into the air.

Since I had to take some sick days in order to attend to my son, I thought I might get to catch up on my sleep. Ha, ha, ha...NOT! There has been something to break up my sleep every night, so far. Tonight, I have not been feeling well. After catching up on some book reading, I turned to catching up on my blog reading. A post, "I think I messed up with my kids" on the "The Worst Preacher's Wife Ever," was a great distraction and reminded me of a story of my oldest son's first communion experience.

It was a Sunday morning in December when my son was either 3 or 4 years old. The annual nativity story was being acted out at our church during the morning service. So all the children, including the youngest preschoolers were in attendance. As the actors moved into their places, I pointed out his friends' parents who were playing Mary and Joseph. When I pointed out the baby in the mother's arms, saying, "Look there's Grant's little brother," my son retorted, "Nu-uh, that's JESUS!"

After the performance, communion was being served. My son clasped his hands together and pleaded very loudly, "Please, please, please can I have some of the snack?" The missionary seated in front of us, turned, smiled and chuckled. In my feeble attempt to get him to lower his voice and sit down, I explained that this was not a snack, but communion. Further explaining that communion is something we do to remember how Jesus died for us. His expression turned to one of horror as he yelled out even louder than before, "Jesus died?!" It took me a second to realize he thought Grant's little brother---whom he firmly believed was Jesus, was now dead.

currently listening to:
silence

dinner: (last night)
casserole

currently reading:
the silver chair
the undistracted widow
Isaiah

today grateful for:
my boys
memories
medicine
technology & bloggers

the big one-O

Tomorrow my first born turns 10. The time seems to be flying by. I look back at pictures from when he was little and I try to remember those exact moments in time. We have so many incredible memories. Sometimes it feels like grief has stolen precious moments from us. Still, I treasure so many of the moments I enjoy with him...snuggling on the couch in the evening reading from one of the Chronicles of Narnia books(he always begs me not to stop-to read just a bit more)...watching him encourage and teach his brother...when he runs to show me his latest Lego creation...when he laughs out loud and tells me a funny part of one of his Diary of a Wimpy Kid or Big Nate books...when he says "I need to tell you something" and he as he approaches my ear, he kisses me on the cheek instead.

This week, besides his birthday, I was reminded he is growing up because we had our first in-depth installment of sex ed talks. With the Penn State scandal so prevalent in the news, we hear the word, "sex" at least a couple of times a day. So he asked about sex. I inquired trying to find out how much he knew. I found out a bit of misinformation he had heard from his peers and attempted to clarify with a bit of truth and God's Truth. As I gave him some basic anatomy information, he covered his ears (while still listening) and said, "This is so gross." I wonder how these talks go when given by a father?

My heart's desire is for him to grow up, be full of joy, know and live out God's plan for his life...but there is this tiny portion of my heart that wants to keep my little boy, alittle boy forever. When I was a kid, I thought if you sprayed lots of hairspray on a baby kitten or dog you could keep them little. I guess that is why we have scrapbooks.

currently listening to:
boys' AM banter

dinner: (last night)
bbq, slaw, mac and cheese (at kids bereavement mtg)

currently reading:
the voyage of the dawn treader
the undistracted widow
Lamentations

today grateful for:
my boys
memories

Season's end...

The baseball season has come to its scheduled end. Although my fav team, the Red Sox, was not in the world series (and they by no means came close to earning it this year), I watched the series and cheered on the Cardinals. I would rank Game 6 as the best game I've seen. We root for the cardinals because, Busch Stadium was the first MLB stadium to which I took the boys.

I have always enjoyed baseball games in person-live as opposed to TV broadcast. Before Andy died--Andy, the boys and I never made it to see our local minor league team because we did not make time. Between my end of school and beginning of school responsibilities in May & August and his heavy work schedule in mid and late summer, we never made it.


In 2001, there was a MasterCard commercial about 2 guys touring the country visiting every MLB stadium. We discussed doing that with our soon-to-be first born, but we never could mange to afford to do it. Since the summer of 2009, the boys and I have been to Busch Stadium, Turner Field, and Camden Yards.

Andy was a sports fan---baseball, football, hockey. It amazed me how he he had so many stats in his head. He could answer wild, obscure trivia questions. One of his connections to baseball was that his dad grew up with Jim "Catfish" Hunter. I enjoy the family stories involving Catfish. I saw Hunter's headstone when we were in NC for Andy's grandmother's funeral.

I grew up in a sports fan family as well. My mom is purely a spectator. My dad was the athlete. Among other things, he was a Golden Gloves champion. My maternal grandfather paid for seminary by playing semi-pro baseball in Richmond. I played softball for many years.

I am planning our stadium trip for next summer. My plan is for us to see the Nationals. I am optimistic that Strasburg will stay healthy. Hopefully, we'll do a mini DC tour as well. T has been wanting to see the Spymuseum.

currently listening to:
morning cartoons

dinner: (last night)
brunswick stew

currently reading:
the voyage of the dawn treader
the undistracted widow
moneyball
the apostolic ministry
1 Peter

today grateful for:
my boys
memories
baseball
a working automobile
God's provision

repetition

it hit me(as it has many times before) that once again i have lost that perspective that i value. the perspective that i received when andy died. the perspective of what is truly important and what is not. what i should value and what is just foolish distraction. on this journey, we drift from those initial emotional days of grief. like a ship at sea, just one degree of difference will eventually take us miles away from where we began. while reading my devotion this morning, i was reminded that God keeps the same perspective throughout time. he's always on course and always consistent. wow!

i am often frustrated by my fickleness and by how easily i am drawn off course by chores, stresses at work, projects or homework that has to be finished tonight, the never-ending laundry and housework, packing lunches, etc. the worship and glorifying God comes in doing these things daily with perspective and love from him. the biblical story of the daily gathering of manna is a vivid picture of what I must do mentally and spiritually each day--seek out what God has for me, use it and savor it deeply for this present day and then do it again tomorrow. look to God each morning for what he sets outs for me to do. just because i felt spiritually on fire in the presence of God today, does not mean i can hoard that for tomorrow. each day requires its own gathering... perspective and worship in daily repetition.

i did enjoy and savor many moments over the last 48 hours as the boys and i went camping with the cub scouts. the sites and smells of autumn...watching the boys playing together, helping each other and helping others, enjoying hot cocoa/coffee on a freezing morning, having the physical ability and the opportunity to go, participate and enjoy.

pray, worship/live, repeat

currently listening to:
silence

dinner: (last night)
chicken soup with rice, cornbread

currently reading:
the voyage of the dawn treader
the undistracted widow
moneyball
the apostolic ministry
exodus

today grateful for:
my boys
shelter
what i get to do each day
a working automobile
the bible
God

thinking twice

so many times, i really should think twice before i open my big mouth. why do i complain about october? it is a very hectic month for us. i pray that in the future, my first thoughts would be ones of thankfulness instead of complaining....

instead of.....	i SHOULD think...
i have too many errands...	i am blessed to have a car
	i am blessed to have funds to buy gas
	i am blessed to live in a place with available resources
	i am blessed i can get out of bed
there are so many non-teaching things i have to get done at work...	i am blessed to work in my calling
	i am blessed to have a job
	i am blessed to have a safe workplace
i have to get up so early...	i am blessed to have a bedroom of my own
	i am blessed i can go to sleep at night without fear
	i am blessed to have a roof over my head
there are so many chores to do everyday around the house	i am blessed to have a house
	i am blessed to a washing machine
	i am blessed to have inside plumbing & clean water
	i am blessed to i can get around to do these things
sickness in the house is the pits	i am blessed to have healing
	i am blessed to have funds & access to good medical facilities
this single parenting thing stinks...	i am blessed to be a mom
	i am blessed to have been married to Andy
	i am blessed to have 2 wonderful, healthy boys
	i am blessed to be alive
	i am blessed to have God

currently listening to:
rain

dinner: (last night)
fast food

currently reading:
the voyage of the dawn treader
the undistracted widow
moneyball
the apostolic ministry
luke

today grateful for:
my boys
provision
modern medicine
a working automobile
a job
a house
God

Flannel sheets...take me away

I love autumn, but October seems to be my most hectic month. It is filled with tons of things to get done...the bookfair at my school, changing of seasonal clothes, the end of the school grading/marking period, working conference nights after full regular days, yard work, house maintenance, scout events, etc. Maybe it hits me like a mack truck since the emotional ride starts with Andy's birthday the last week in September followed a week later by our wedding anniversary. Plus since his death, I have hated doing the tax returns and for the past 3 years I have filed for extensions. The extension deadline is October 15th. I am terrible with deadlines hanging over my head. To boot, I have some other emotional decisions to make. I am decision fatigued. I would prefer to curl up in my flannel sheets and sleep until November.

currently listening to:
the dog snoring
the fridge running

dinner:
pasta & salad at the kids' bereavement group meeting

currently reading:
the voyage of the dawn treader
the undistracted widow
moneyball
the apostolic ministry
2 corinthians

today grateful for:
my boys
widow friends
provision
God's hand

in one weekend...old friends & a new streak

This weekend i returned to my hometown to attend my 30th high school reunion. (Okay, you can stop doing the math in your head...i'm 48.) The first night we gathered on the grounds of the high school to picnic/tailgate with our families before the homecoming football game. The game was cancelled which was a blessing because we got to socialize and eat for hours longer. ...maybe getting to eat that long was not a blessing.

I did not have a huge number of close friends in high school, therefore, i only knew a few of the faces or names of many of the folks attending. The folks i spent most of the evening with were gals i had known since elementary school. We attended the same junior high, high school, college, and girl scout summer camp. The husband of one of these gals was such a doll. He played and raced with my boys so that i could manage to hold uninterrupted conversations. A blessing, indeed!

Saturday night, the class of 1981 gathered at local hotel for our evening. (sans children--Okay so most folks have grown children. Only a few of us have children who are not yet teens.) This is the type of situation, upon which i would have relied on andy to carry the socialization impetus. Socializing, unless i know folks very well, feels more like having a root canal. I do not seek out these types of opportunities.

My mom kept the boys saturday evening. She is 85 and lives in a retirement community. Prior to this, she was apprehensive about being alone with the boys due to their normal energy level. As it turned out, the boys charmed their way through the dining hall. These boys are "stinking cute" and charmers like their dad. My youngest worked his magic on another elderly lady who tried to give him any and every dessert his heart might desire. In the end, she made him an ice cream sundae about the size of his head. He tried, but could not eat the whole thing. ...making a mental note---make sure the boys know how to use their looks for good, not for evil. lol

One of the disappointments from this weekend was i (it was all my fault) broke our reading streak. I forgot to read to the boys on saturday night before i went to my reunion party. Our streak ended at 106 days. figures, that i blogged about it....sort of like when you wash your car and it rains. The first thing my eldest said to me upon rising the next morning was, "you broke our streak." Oh yeah, no guilt there, sigh. I know, missing reading is not a life shattering thing by any means, but it did mean a lot to him. I know this not only because of his reaction to the my lapse, but also because he is writing about it in a paper he is working on for a fourth grade assignment. The assignment is entitled, why my family is special. It is for a contest with a monetary prize (hence, his burning motivation to write), so he told me i am not allowed to help him. In fact, he will not talk to me much about it or let me read any drafts. He gave me a few teasers---he thinks his family is special because we have family night and because of the reading streak. I am eager to read his paper and i am straining and struggling to hold back that overzealous, type a, overbearing, meddling mom side of me. I wonder how he perceives his world and his family.

Nevertheless, last night we continued reading from prince caspian (we are very near the end) and i reset our streak count. We made it 106 days before I broke our streak. My goal remains to read aloud to my boys for as many days as i can (even if it is not an unbroken streak). It has just occurred to me as i write this post, raising boys in the boy scout world means they will probably go to camp and other events with many days away from home. Days far away from telephones or technology, therefore, i do not know how we will maintain any unbroken streak through these. Oh well ...thoughts for another day (channeling my scarlet o'hara)..."i'll think about it tomorrow, after all tomorrow is another day."

currently listening to:
the dog snoring

dinner: (last night)
deli leftovers

currently reading:
prince caspian
buying & selling the souls of our children
the apostolic ministry
daniel, 1 peter, isaiah

today grateful for:
my boys
my mom
God's presence & mercy
morningstar ministries
old friends
provision
a working automobile

our streak and my pet peeve

Today, the boys and I reached the 100th day of our reading streak! I have read aloud to them every day for 100 days. We are two thirds of the way through our fourth book, prince caspian.
Thus far we have read:
the magician's nephew
the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe
the horse and his boy
At this point my youngest (5 years old) appears marginally interested in our nightly readings. My eldest(nine years old) has stated on several occasions that our daily read alouds are one of his favorite things that we do together. He has pleaded with me frequently to continue reading... "just a few more minutes." I love our reading time together.

We have worked around some obstacles in our schedules so as not to break our streak. This summer when the boys were staying out of state with their grandparents, I spoke to them each night and read via phone or skype. On some of our busier nights, I have read in the car before attending an evening event or taken our book into a restaurant to read to them as we waited for our meal.

I am grateful to alice ozma for sharing the story of a 3218 day reading streak sustained by her and her father, a librarian and single parent. From this single parent, librarian to another-thank you, mr. ozma.

Okay, switching gears...today while listening to NPR I noticed a trend...it seems modern American society has lost touch with our mother tongue-English and rules of proper usage. Do we no longer value proper speech, much less ADVERBS?! My boys look at me oddly when I rant at the those speaking on the television and radio. I have heard teachers, news anchors/reporters and well educated speakers using bad when they should have used badly, quick instead of quickly, etc. Today, I was annoyed while listening to NPR. A man who proclaimed to be the president of a writers' guild, more than once misused adjectives when he should have used adverbs. Arrgh!

currently listening to:
college football

dinner:
pork
potatoes
various veggies

currently reading:
prince caspian
getting things done
martha stewart living
wall street journal
daniel

today grateful for:
my boys
God's mercy
friends
my sitter
my hair stylist and a great paul mitchell salon(it's always a joy to go there! today i went in stressed and came out joyfully refreshed)
fall
provision
a working automobile
cell phones with texting

Life

In my last blog post, I promised to write of M’s coming to Christ. I now wish I had stopped that night and made a few notes. These days my memory often fails me. I do recall the basics, just not every detail. I am so thankful that both of my boys know Christ. I want to live to see my boys grow up, live happy and full lives as God wills for them. Yet, I feel that I have carried out one of the most important missions God has given me.

In the days leading up to M’s decision, he had been consumed by the thought of death. My guess is it may have begun on our discombobulated trip home from Boone when he accidentally got his right hand slammed in the car door. For several days following, he would repeat, “I don’t want you to die.” I don’t want T. to die.” I don’t want Franklin to die.” (our dog) Before December 2008, I would probably had told him not to worry about me, his mother, dying. But I cannot say that, as any moment might be my last with him on this earth. I hugged him each time and told him I loved him. I told him about his Daddy being in heaven because Andy loved Jesus and had asked Jesus to live in his heart and be his savior.

As I watch the documentary programs recounting the events of September 11, 2001, I recall my thoughts of that day and that week. I was 32 weeks pregnant with our first child. I was at work that morning and I remember a parent coming into our school to tell us that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. It was up to me in the library to tune the cable channels for our school’s closed circuit system. I spent the morning, in between the times I taught my library classes, watching the monitor. As many others, I called the person who I loved and meant the most to me, my husband. I thought, what kind of a world and situation are we bringing a child into? We had tried for one and a half years before conceiving this blessed child. In a conversation with my mother-in-law, she reminded us of the beautiful hymn, “Because He lives.” That weekend was the baby shower. Five months later at the baby dedication, Andy and I sang, "Because He Lives" and my mother-in-law accompanied us.

This child can face uncertain days because He lives.

In the ten years since that day…
…our first child was born
…my father died
…our second child was born
…Andy’s grandmother, my mother-in-law’s mother, died
…Andy, my husband, their father, a son, a brother died

What does our future hold? As I look at all of the natural disasters and freakish weather we have had not only in just the past month but in the past 2 years, I do not know.I do know...

God sent His son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal, and forgive.
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance,
This child can face uncertain days because He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

And then one day I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain.
And then as death gives way to victory,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone!
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives!

~ William and Gloria Gaither ~

currently listening to:
9/11 broadcasts

dinner(last night):
omelets
home fries
chicken bacon

currently reading:
prince caspian
getting things done
ezekiel
ecclesiastes

today grateful for:
my boys
God's mercy
salvation through Christ
our lives
the days I had with Andy
my country

once a scout...

...always a scout. During the recent hurricane and after the recent minor earthquake, there were many reports in the media about preparedness. It always strikes me funny how folks run to the stores to prepare at the last minute for these events (snow storms included). I think the combination of my "type A" personality coupled with 14+ years as a girl scout means I usually have at least the minimal levels of physical preparedness. Simply having basic camping gear, means we have items for getting by without power--like a stove, fire-starters, flashlights, lanterns, a first aid kit and several tents. Since I lived on the coast for many years, I got used to losing power during about every other northeaster. So, I had oil lamps(before LED lamps these were some of the brightest), spare water, nonperishable food, and a manual can opener. A few months ago, Virginia had a tax-free hurricane preparedness weekend. I took that opportunity to purchase a solar powered, crank weather radio. It works well and is cool because it can be used to charge anything that can be charged with a USB plug, like cell phones, mp3 players, etc. During that weekend, I also restocked our backup water and battery supplies and prepared an emergency evacuation knapsack for us.

Nevertheless, the most important level of preparedness is spiritual. This month, I felt our family reached a new level of spiritual readiness since my youngest prayed to accept Christ. For days prior to this important event, he had been very concerned about death---his brother and I dying, the family pet dying and his own death. I have another post coming about this incredible occasion. Andy wrote a beautiful account about Tim accepting Christ. I wish Andy was here for this and to record this important event in our family.

Our reading streak=83 days

currently listening to:
coffee maker

dinner(last night):
mexican

currently reading:
prince caspian
getting things done
the reading promise
2 corinthians

today grateful for:
my boys
God
our good health
clean water
sleep

getting things done

GTD or getting things done is a book and system by David Allen. I have been beginning to implement this system in my worklife. Needless to say, now that I am back at work (even though my work life is MUCH more organized and my office and desk look great!) I am finding I do not have much energy when I get home at the end of the day. I need that extra energy at the end of the day for... time with the boys, fixing dinner, doing housework, exercising, blogging, etc. (That is why I have not blogged for quite sometime.)

Yesterday was a LONG day with tons of meetings and monkey-wrenches that had to be handled. The evening was supposed to be just for being with the boys...going to their school for open house/orientation. In the midst, I found out that my cell phone company had terminated my service because the bank had refused my check because it did not apparently like my account number. Turns out that the little guy, that's me, is getting the bad end of the deal as my big bank got swallowed up by a ginormous bank. I have learned in this past week that there are many more bad deals for us little guys to come from this mega bank. (Great! so now in my free time I get to search for and switch my bank.) Anywho, I was distracted by trying to handle all of this and I forgot to take my kids' big boxes of school supplies (which I spent a long time labeling night before last) to the school for orientation....my weekly "mom-forgot-something" moment. Even though I turned to fast food for our dinner, I did manage to get in our nightly reading session. I continue to be inspired by the actions of another single parent, librarian, written of in the Reading Promise. (We started our streak on June 8, 2011...73 days ago.)


A quote from Oswald Chambers I am ruminating over:
"Discouragement is disillusioned self-love, and self-love may be love for my devotion to Jesus— not love for Jesus Himself."

currently listening to:
my eldest turning the pages of his book as he reads for his required time(homework from mom)

dinner(last night):
fast food

currently reading:
the horse and his boy
unclutter your life in one week
the reading promise
romans

today grateful for:
my boys
God
provision
electricity
modern appliances
clean water
sleep