wax: in the heat of the moment

yesterday i tried something new at home-waxing. usually i have this done at the salon where i have my hair done and it is costly. in the past 15 years, i have felt more like the mom in my big, fat greek wedding-i have to tweeze regularly and often. okay, so i am vain in that i don't want to resemble some of the elderly women with gray, scraggly "goatees" i saw growing up. ----but wait waxing facial hair reflects our spiritual journey. okay, prior to this i had never thought of the hairiness of pre-menopausal women as a spiritual analogy. go figure.

this morning during my quiet time i read the following:
"When we lose sight of God, we become hard and dogmatic."-oswald chambers

the wax i am using comes in a microwaveable cup. you heat it up to make it usable. when it completely cools it is stiff and immovable. so i had a picture of the heat and light of the microwave keeping the wax at its ideal state of pliability for use. the minute you remove it from the microwave it begins to cool. i am like that wax-i am most pliable and usable when i am directly in god's light. the minute i go out i begin to "cool." wax by itself cannot maintain heat. the heat for pliability comes from the source of heat.

philippians 2

⁵ Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus... ⁸...... He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. ⁹ Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, ¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, ¹¹ and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. .... ¹³ for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure

joy and purpose

In my work, the moments of joy seem to be less frequent than the trials and stresses. Yesterday, I was blessed to get to experience a joy.

My principal came to me to request my help with a fifth grade boy who had not completed his history project for class. It was past due. He had been given all the supplies he could possibly need, The teachers and principal had tried to get his mother involved on numerous occasions, to no avail.

I had 1 hour in which to work this student. He did not want to work with me. In fact, he did not want to work at all. One of the teachers had asked him if he cared about his education. His reply, "No." As he came towards me, he was dragging his trifold board on the floor, his other hand dangling and holding his markers. He stared at the floor.

For quite a time, he hung his head and would not look up. As he and I sat at a computer and I asked him repeatedly about his topic. He kept saying, "I don't care about my education." "I am stupid." "I don't want to be here." "I don't care about this." "I just want to live on the street." It broke my heart to hear him. I was failing to distract him with questions about the project.

I asked him what it would mean to live on the streets. At that point, he began to acknowledge that someone was speaking to him. After quite some time, I was able to get him talking about the project, a report about Abraham Lincoln. I told him how my boys and I had visited the former president's tomb. I described the size of this huge structure and the giant bust of Lincoln in front that was dull except for a shiny nose resulting from tourists rubbing it. When I began to tell him how thieves had tried to steal Lincoln's body, he began a string of rapid fire questions. He was hooked!

He wanted to know about who else was buried in the tomb and about where Lincoln had gone during the Civil War. In the few minutes we had left, he chose photographs to add to his trifold and he wrote captions. As we printed out the last one, he said, "You know, today is my birthday." I wanted to hug him as I would my own child. He had had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day on his birthday.

As we walked back down the hall to his class, he held his presentation high over his head. He wanted to show it to several staff members we passed along the way and then to his classmates. I wanted to linger with him.

Reflection during Lent

For the 2 years and a little over 3 months since Andy died, I have mourned losing my beloved and my best friend. I have struggled with self-pity and a mourning of sorts, the loss of my identity. I did not know who I was. Prior to December 2008, I was a wife, mother, runner, teacher, Christian, daughter, scrapbooker, friend, seamstress, and housekeeper. I am no longer this person. I go from work to home to chore to refereeing and then falling into bed when I am not kept awake by thoughts and depression.

In the time since December 2008, I watch very little TV. I usually do not go out except with my boys. I no longer sew or scrapbook. I no longer run really. In the eternal scheme of things, all of those activities do not really matter. I am tired of my self-imposed sadness. For the season of lent, when I reflect upon how my own indulgences distract me from obeying God, I have decided to surrender myself.

The important things, in this life I have been given, are serving God and being the best mother to raise confident, born again, spirit-filled, healthy boys. In these 40 days before Easter,I have set my daily/hourly goal for everything I do to be focused on these 2 goals. As I found while pursuing last month’s love quest, I am easily distracted by life’s trials, the mundane and otherwise.

After reflection, now I realize I am called to be a mother, teacher, Christian, and daughter. Joy is in these roles. Daily I pray God will deliver me of my self—the portion of me that rules in selfishness, the portion of me that mourns losses, the portion of me that takes the rest of me into the depths of darkness. My biggest fault has been letting anyone/anything/any situation aside from God have any impact upon happiness and joy. After four decades, I have to learn how to take “my” out of the vocabulary.

Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. Psalm 146:3

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. Luke 9:23

Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem? Isaiah 2:22

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. Matthew 16:24

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant Philippians 2:3-7

This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD. That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:5-8

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Galatians 2:22

But far be it from me to glory [in anything or anyone] except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah) through Whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world! Galatians 6:14

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16