birthday blessings

today was my birthday and my sons surprised and treated me to several surprises.  when i returned home this morning from my saturday farmers' market shopping trip, i opened the front door to a beautiful chorus of "happy birthday." 

the table was set for breakfast and with specially folded napkins, a beautifully wrapped gift, and a spread of handmade cards. (one featuring "bacon man!")

my oldest wrote the verse jeremiah 1:5 on the chalkboard.  this alone made my heart sing.    it is a gift beyond words.

what can i say?  my boys have their dad's gift of intuition and insight.  it was a morning of pure joy for me.  my youngest made a list so as not to forget any details.   my oldest prepared an incredible, homemade breakfast for us...


fruit salad with strawberries, wine berries and bananas, the most delicious cheese omelet i have ever tasted, 
and croissants.

we sat and ate and giggled.   joy!














my oldest thought ahead and while he was at boy scout camp in june, he made me a sign for my library complete with the school mascot.

today was one of the best days.  one i will treasure.

dinner:

gourmet pizza and cheesecake (dining out)

listening to:

third day

currently reading:
when helping hurts

1 timothy

today grateful for:

my boys

another year

andy

God's word

laughter and joy

Jamming out....Don't Wait

I am a crank-it-up-LOUD music girl. I think it started when I was a teen... in my first car, a 1968 Chevy Impala. When "Take the Long Way Home" by Supertramp came on the radio, I had to crank it up and take the long way home.

My current crank it up fav is "Don't Wait" by Addison Road. Jamming out to the lyrics ....EVERY DAY MATTERS!

dinner: (with Life Group)
hot dogs, roasted over a fire

chips & dip

cherries & watermelon

veggies

cheesecake

currently reading:
farmer boy
brain rules
i used to be so organized
matthew

today grateful for:
Jesus
my boys
community
fellowship
friends
provision
good health
cool spring weather
my front porch
working lawnmower
fresh water
electricity

joy and purpose

In my work, the moments of joy seem to be less frequent than the trials and stresses. Yesterday, I was blessed to get to experience a joy.

My principal came to me to request my help with a fifth grade boy who had not completed his history project for class. It was past due. He had been given all the supplies he could possibly need, The teachers and principal had tried to get his mother involved on numerous occasions, to no avail.

I had 1 hour in which to work this student. He did not want to work with me. In fact, he did not want to work at all. One of the teachers had asked him if he cared about his education. His reply, "No." As he came towards me, he was dragging his trifold board on the floor, his other hand dangling and holding his markers. He stared at the floor.

For quite a time, he hung his head and would not look up. As he and I sat at a computer and I asked him repeatedly about his topic. He kept saying, "I don't care about my education." "I am stupid." "I don't want to be here." "I don't care about this." "I just want to live on the street." It broke my heart to hear him. I was failing to distract him with questions about the project.

I asked him what it would mean to live on the streets. At that point, he began to acknowledge that someone was speaking to him. After quite some time, I was able to get him talking about the project, a report about Abraham Lincoln. I told him how my boys and I had visited the former president's tomb. I described the size of this huge structure and the giant bust of Lincoln in front that was dull except for a shiny nose resulting from tourists rubbing it. When I began to tell him how thieves had tried to steal Lincoln's body, he began a string of rapid fire questions. He was hooked!

He wanted to know about who else was buried in the tomb and about where Lincoln had gone during the Civil War. In the few minutes we had left, he chose photographs to add to his trifold and he wrote captions. As we printed out the last one, he said, "You know, today is my birthday." I wanted to hug him as I would my own child. He had had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day on his birthday.

As we walked back down the hall to his class, he held his presentation high over his head. He wanted to show it to several staff members we passed along the way and then to his classmates. I wanted to linger with him.

Reflection during Lent

For the 2 years and a little over 3 months since Andy died, I have mourned losing my beloved and my best friend. I have struggled with self-pity and a mourning of sorts, the loss of my identity. I did not know who I was. Prior to December 2008, I was a wife, mother, runner, teacher, Christian, daughter, scrapbooker, friend, seamstress, and housekeeper. I am no longer this person. I go from work to home to chore to refereeing and then falling into bed when I am not kept awake by thoughts and depression.

In the time since December 2008, I watch very little TV. I usually do not go out except with my boys. I no longer sew or scrapbook. I no longer run really. In the eternal scheme of things, all of those activities do not really matter. I am tired of my self-imposed sadness. For the season of lent, when I reflect upon how my own indulgences distract me from obeying God, I have decided to surrender myself.

The important things, in this life I have been given, are serving God and being the best mother to raise confident, born again, spirit-filled, healthy boys. In these 40 days before Easter,I have set my daily/hourly goal for everything I do to be focused on these 2 goals. As I found while pursuing last month’s love quest, I am easily distracted by life’s trials, the mundane and otherwise.

After reflection, now I realize I am called to be a mother, teacher, Christian, and daughter. Joy is in these roles. Daily I pray God will deliver me of my self—the portion of me that rules in selfishness, the portion of me that mourns losses, the portion of me that takes the rest of me into the depths of darkness. My biggest fault has been letting anyone/anything/any situation aside from God have any impact upon happiness and joy. After four decades, I have to learn how to take “my” out of the vocabulary.

Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. Psalm 146:3

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. Luke 9:23

Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem? Isaiah 2:22

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. Matthew 16:24

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant Philippians 2:3-7

This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD. That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:5-8

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Galatians 2:22

But far be it from me to glory [in anything or anyone] except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah) through Whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world! Galatians 6:14

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

This is the stuff

This is the stuff---it is the title of a Francesa Battistelli song. It so sums up many of my daily distractions and frustrations. I have a bad habit of letting these things swallow up my brain and leave me in a self-centered, selfish, anxious, non-joyful state-of-mind. By no means am I saying that my daily battles surpass my encounters with grief.Yet, I let the daily skirmishes wear me down much like the irritating sore of a splinter or a tiny rock in my shoe. I prep for the bigger battles with grief by donning my full armor. Yet the daily irritations sneak in under the radar, between the tiny cracks. Every day is new with its own battles big or little for which I must prepare. This is the stuff that I have to handle one day at a time.


Currently listening to:
Francesa Battistelli
lil M singing to himself

Lunch:
fresh greens from the market
sandwiches
fruit

Currently reading:
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

Today grateful for:
good health
weekends
sunshine
working automobiles
God’s provision
God's presence

addendum (January 23, 2011)
Today's reading in My Utmost For His Highest speaks to this very thing. It's amazing how God does that! ;)

The most important rule for us is to concentrate on keeping our lives open to God. Let everything else including work, clothes, and food be set aside. The busyness of things obscures our concentration on God. We must maintain a position of beholding Him, keeping our lives completely spiritual through and through. Let other things come and go as they will; let other people criticize us as they will; but never allow anything to obscure the life that “is hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:3). Never let a hurried lifestyle disturb the relationship of abiding in Him. This is an easy thing to allow, but we must guard against it. The most difficult lesson of the Christian life is learning how to continue “beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord . . . .”

link to the entire devotion --> http://utmost.org/transformed-by-beholding/

Movie watching and "projects"

It has been difficult to blog as of late due to problems with my computer, therefore, I am trying to get caught up. I have handwritten drafts of several blogs which hopefully I will be posting over my break from now until early January before I am again swamped by work and the mundane. I think blogs are valuable memory keepers. Over the past year I have been rereading many of Andy’s blogs and I am so thankful for his writings. I had his entire blog printed into a soft bound book for the boys.

I recently rented the movie "Julie and Julia." It took me two evenings to fit in time to watch it—but it was worth it and now I am inspired. Movies can be incredible instruments—they can inspire us in many ways. Andy enjoyed movies immensely and credited many of his creative romantic lines to movies that inspired him. My father-in-law, several years ago just after exiting from seeing “Shaft”, valiantly fended off an attacker who was attempting to rob him while he was in the theater men’s room. We were thankful he had seen an action movie that night –no telling how history might played out had he had been to a romantic comedy.

My first inspiration/project is cooking. I have not felt like being creative in the kitchen, tackling menu planning, or even thinking about dinner for most of the nights in this year since Andy died. As many know, the boys and I spent numerous evenings eating out in this time. In the 2 years prior to Andy’s death, I had become quite proficient in the practice of frugality. After his death, I was all about convenience. Recently this chore became more complicated when my youngest was diagnosed with wheat and gluten allergies. It became a menacing chore of facing the daily grind of planning a meal for:

1) a picky, picky eater with allergies,
2) a tired, single mom on weight watchers (who gained back 20+ lbs in the last year)
3) and an average elementary age boy.

I cannot explain why this movie inspired me to not only to cook again but to venture out more creatively with food. Perhaps it is the fact the actresses portraying the main characters made it seem possible for the “average” woman to be triumphant in the art of cookery. So I dug up my Martha Stewart Living and Everyday Food magazines and I purchased Mastering the Art of French Cooking in order to try new recipes. Thus far, I have had success with all but one (snap peas with mint-ick!) which I have attempted. I will try to remember to post the menu/recipes of the day at the bottom of each blog entry from here on out.

My second inspiration/project from the movie is a mental one. In the movie, the narrator states Julie Child made the French people she encountered pleasant. So I asked myself-do I positively influence the people I encounter? My answer would be, “no.” As a Christian, my joy should overflow and spread to others. I remember a TV commercial in which a man was walking down a crowded street talking on his cell phone and smiling from from ear-to-ear. His smile was so genuine and joyous that it spread infectiously to the strangers around him.

A few years ago in the face of a challenging work environment, I set a daily goal. I sought out someone, every morning within 15 minutes of arriving at work, to compliment or spread extra joy to in order to start the day on a positive note. I do not know why I stopped doing that. I do know for me it does not seem to come naturally to be a “glass half full” person. Two of my colleagues at work just naturally seem to see the positive and radiate joy, laughter and fun in everything they do. Shouldn’t we all be that way---especially Christians?

Notes to self:
smile more
spread more smiles
daily strive to love from the source
finish study of joy/then blog about it
refrain from kicking the computer when Firefox crashed 6 times during the composition of this post (deep breath)

Currently listening to STING, “If on a winter’s night”

Dinner tonight:
Mediterranean chicken with feta cheese over orzo
Pois Frais en Braisage (buttered peas)

Today grateful for:
A delightful, long lunch with my best friend
Daycares being open
5K run and 1.5 miles on elliptical
my boy who gave me an "I love you" banner