It struck me the other day, my youngest has known more years without his dad than with his dad. He was just 2½ when his dad died. It has been 5 years.
I find it hard to remember the person I was before. So much
of who I was and who we were as a family seems to be a distant memory. I
look at pictures but sometimes it seems like it was a different life.
Phillip Yancy wrote:
"You live with the grief as if in a bubble, and only
gradually re-enter the world. You go to the grocery store. You go back
to work. Eventually that outer world takes over more and more of you and
the grief begins to shrink."
The grief has shrunk somewhat or "thinned" as a widow
friend puts it. Grief used to be an uninvited guest, an intruder, a
squatter...but now when I look back I have learned a great deal through
the waves of grief.
“The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”
-Dostoyevsky (Crime and Punishment)
In the first years, when the night was
the darkest, I definitely clung to God as my life-raft in the storm.
Without Him, I am certain the darkness would have overtaken me. But now
as the "outer world" tries to take over I have to be very conscious to make time
to focus on my Star.
dinner:
on the run
listening to:
pandora
currently reading:
the question that never goes away
john
roll of thunder hear my cry
miracles and massacres
on the run
listening to:
pandora
currently reading:
the question that never goes away
john
roll of thunder hear my cry
miracles and massacres
today grateful for:
my boys
God's faithfulness
a working automobile
technology that saves time
a working automobile
technology that saves time
ups
laughter and tears
new friends
