peaceful

We just returned from our holiday trip. We were blessed to get to spend some of our time with family at a cabin in the Blue Ridge Mountains. It was a peaceful place for our holiday gathering with my husband's family. The boys love to spend time with their cousins. During this visit, they spent hours constructing and playing in "forts" in the woods.

The cabin faces southeast, so we soak in the incredible colors of the sunrises and sunsets over a breathtaking view. We can take things at a slower pace and just hang out together with few distractions.

Prior to our trip to NC, we had a quiet Christmas morning at home. My oldest was so excited for his little brother to open his gift since T had put time, thought and his own money into the gift. He was tickled with his little brother's excitement. As of yet, my youngest is not as enthusiastic in the "giving" aspect of the holidays. My mother-in-law took the boys shopping earlier this month for their gifts for me. They were both eager for me to open their gifts. A sweet time indeed.

This year, my gift to the boys was a trip, just before Christmas, to Williamsburg and Jamestown. We spent our first 2 days and 1 night at the Great Wolf Lodge. They had a blast seeing the sights, visiting with Santa, playing a scavenger hunt game in the lodge and playing at the inside waterpark.The next 2 days/nights were more low key as we visited the Jamestown Settlement and Colonial Williamsburg.

I would like to say tonight as we returned home and wrapped up our holiday week...that the day ended serenely. Alas my youngest capped off our evening here at home with a few all-out-temper-tantrums over the dinner selection and my request for him to put away his new toys.

currently listening to:
a dripping faucet

dinner:
ham, corn pudding and edamame

currently reading:
the silver chair
living in the land of enough
luke

today grateful for:
family
home
safe travel
God

everyday should feel like christmas morning

This morning...
...as look out my dining room window to see the mountains through the bare winter branches
...as I see the smoke rising from the chimney of a nearby house
...as I sip my coffee and enjoy the delicious smells of the baked french toast
...as I think about how my boys were more excited to watch each other open the gifts they chose
...as I listen to my sons playing happily together
...as I think of how thankful I am to wake up in a warm house with food and water and no imminent danger
...as I think of how I owe all my joy and fullness to my Saviour who fills me with hope
...as I think about how Christmas morning was the day of the year Andy woke up early with childlike excitement (The rest of the year, because he was a night owl, he slept in usually til 9 or 10.)
...as I imagine what this day is like in heaven ...
I wonder why this day is different than any other.

On this day, it seems easier to be filled with joy, to have compassion for our fellow man, and to enjoy the simple moments of life. Shouldn't everyday start this way?

Andy started a practice when we were first dating. He said celebrating love only on February 14th was not enough. Therefore, he declared the 14th of every month to be his day for me, "Lyn's Day."

The 25th of 2 months are special to me...our celebration of Christ's birth is on the 25th of December and Andy's birthday is on the 25th of his month. I am going to challenge myself to engage in something special to honor Christ on the 25th of every month for 2012. I know I should wake up excited EVERY morning. However, for my poor mortal mind, I want to make go to bed excited on the 24th for what the day will bring on the 25th. We shall see.

currently listening to:
boys playing and

Hallelujah chorus from Handel's Messiah "A Soulful Celebration"

breakfast:
baked french toast

currently reading:
the silver chair
silent seduction self-talk
god doesn't blink
Isaiah

today grateful for:
Jesus
my boys
God
the heart's capacity for hope, excitement, and joy

i'm done---bah humbug

I am done with Christmas this year. I am not done with Christ....just Christmas. I am ready to take down the decorations, shut off the music and return to greeting everyone with a simple "hello." I am not acting on my feelings for my children's sake. They are young...still believe in Santa...and are counting down each day.

As of Friday, I have stopped listening to Christmas music. I have to tote my own praise music since all the Christian stations are playing fa la la blah! I was feeling only vaguely anti-Christmas until-- last night. I ended up talking to my mom on the phone past my bedtime. If I miss my bedtime, then I am up for hours and then tired the next day. Don't get me wrong...I love my mom and I am glad my boys get to know her and spend time with her....but she doesn't get it. I guess it is my own fault that I forget every year that she is going to ask me at the last minute to buy the boys their birthday gifts or Christmas gifts. I plan way ahead. Prior to Andy's death, I had usually finished all of my shopping in a frugal manner before Thanksgiving. Now I still get it done usually before December, but I am just not as frugal. I abhor those last minute preparations. Now my anti-holiday feeling has grown several sizes more.

When folks ask me what I want for Christmas, a few have not liked my answer. I don't need any material items. What I want and need cannot be wrapped up. Besides the fact that I want Christmases of old before 2008, I need time, sleep, a maid, a handyman, a yard man, a chauffeur, more laughter, etc.

This year, I am taking the boys on a trip as their gift. I have told them this is their present from me this Christmas. We don't have to store it, maintain it, return it, etc. In addition to my anti-holidayishness, this year I am feeling very anti-stuff. We have too much of it. I want to be rid of so much of it, but I hate the act of sorting. Yet,I cannot just box it blindly and donate/toss it.

the more I learn, the more I don't know

In my studies of late, I read the following passage from Isaiah 45:7

I form the light and create darkness,
I make peace and create calamity;
I, the LORD, do all these things. (NKJV)

Calamity, what?!?! Did I read that correctly? Let me read it again. I am going to look that up in other translations.

I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things. (NIV)

I form the light and create darkness, I make peace [national well-being] and I create [physical] evil (calamity); I am the Lord, Who does all these things.(AMPLIFIED)

I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. (KJV)

I form light and create darkness,
I make harmonies and create discords.
I, God, do all these things. (THE MESSAGE)

Okay, I am not sure reading other translations helps. Do I pursue this further or just let it slip from my mind. I let the "whys" slip from my mind after Andy died. I cannot ask God, "Why?" Maybe I don't want to hear the answer. After Andy died, there was one thing I have been sure of and have used as my total support at times--God is always with me. I am afraid if I ask why, my faith might waiver and then where would I be. This is just the sort of discussion I would have with Andy.

currently listening to:
boys playing

dinner: (last night)
mexican (out)

currently reading:
the silver chair
god doesn't blink
Isaiah

today grateful for:
my boys
God