another December

If you are looking for a cheery, uplifting blog post---this is not it.

I do not want to go through life just passing days. Sometimes it feels like that though. Overall, I have struggled to enjoy this December and holiday season. I did not want to buy or wrap presents. I did not want to decorate the house and I did not put up the tree. I pondered a bit why I felt this way. Will December ever be a fun month again...like it used to be years ago?

It has been a dreich month. The weather has been gray. December has been filled with news of deaths both near and far.

It is the first Christmas ever that I did not go to my hometown. This is the first Christmas without Mom. The boys are my family. They are my joy.

I feel like traveling far away from my house which desperately needs to be decluttered and cleaned. I feel like traveling to some place where I do not know anyone so I do not have to be cheery or answer the question, "How are you?"

Today, I had the house to myself for a few hours and I attempted to clean. It is easier to scrub, wash and vacuum than to declutter. The thought always runs through my mind---if I died today I would not want anyone to have to wade through this mess. As I pulled out furniture to vacuum and dust, I found a box containing Andy memories. Thanks "Grief" for that sucker punch.

We were not meant to imagine it

The tragic event of the past week, the slaughter of children and women in Newton, CT, has been on everyone's minds. I have been trying to fathom it.

In my opinion, the reason we struggle to understand such tragedy and horrific events is because God did not create us to imagine such evil.We were created in His image. We were made to be fruitful not harmful. Humans did not know of evil until Adam and Eve exercised their freedom of choice.

"But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and blessing and calamity you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die." Genesis 2:17

"...his heart was deeply troubled." Genesis 6:6

If God's heart is deeply troubled by evilness then should not our own hearts be troubled as well? I do not think we need to try to understand the evil or the reasoning behind evil. Recognize that IT IS evil, flee from it and seek God.

God forbid, if we no longer struggle with the thought of it then we are the evil and totally separated from God.

We have been warned that it is going to get worse as some no longer struggle with good and evil.

"But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power." 2 Timothy 3:1-5

Perhaps that is why we feel loss, tragedy and grief with intensity and pain...why sometimes experiencing intense grief seems that it might break us physically. 

But it does not have to break us...and I am not referring to the often misquoted 1 Corinthians 10:13...when someone tries to comfort in a time of grief or trouble by saying, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." First of all,(and I am shouting in my head here) God did not give evil. Secondly, there are times and events that will be more than we can handle. God wants us to seek Him and not take it upon ourselves.

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2

"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble." Psalm 9:9

dinner:
soup and grilled cheese sandwiches

currently listening to:
snoring dog
Christmas praise music on Pandora

currently reading: 
greater
isaiah
a wrinkle in time 

today grateful for: 
God and His faithfulness
God's victory over evil
my boys 
my youngest son's sense of humor
my oldest son's tender heart
my sons' artwork
my life group
my widow friends
coworkers
provision 
good health 

image from http://cdn.theatlanticwire.com/img/upload/2012/12/14/RTR3BKZU_1/large.jpg

another finish line

Four years ago, Andy blogged about the presidential election....referring to it as the finish line. It is weird to think of four years ago. To read his blogs, takes me back to "before."

Things such as elections, laundry, yard work, job stress, taxes, paperwork are cyclical and annoying. Why do we let them get so BIG in our lives? I miss annoying moments...any moments...the good, the bad and the ugly with him. Okay time to go to bed....late nights get to me.

Tonight I finally watched the movie, The Avengers. I attempted to see it in the theater but the timing was never right and didn't rent it because I have not had much time to stay up late, really late. I would have loved to watch it with Andy. He taught me much of what I know of comic book characters. He taught me about the Stan Lee cameos. Most of all he taught me perspective....when everything is boiled down...what really matters.

dinner:
mexican -out

currently listening to:
snoring dog

currently reading: 
unglued
colossians
a wrinkle in time 

today grateful for: 
a day off tomorrow
God's peace
my boys
coworkers
provision 
good health 
a nation at peace
heat in the house

Perspective

 Often at the end of a long day....when some things did not go as planned...I tend to look back at the day with displeasure or disappointment.  When I do this I am inclined to have a heavy feeling mentally....like a rock in my chest or stomach.

Several weeks ago I read an excellent blog post by Michael Hyatt, former CEO of Thomas Nelson publishing. He writes of how asking questions in the midst of negative situations can be unproductive. He writes-however, if you ask the right question you can focus your attention to the future, instead of the past, which you cannot change.

He writes, "you can’t always choose what happens to you. Accidents and tragedies happen. But you can choose how you respond to those situations. One of the best ways to begin is to ask yourself the right question.  Question: Consider a negative situation in your life. Ask yourself, 'What does this experience make possible?' "

I hope one day, this forward thinking perspective is a more natural part of my personality. As on so many other occasions  in my life, I have to say, "Lord, I can't do this, you take it." The moment I do that....the burden is gone.  :)

dinner:
quesadillas

currently listening to:
the wind

currently reading: 
unglued
acts 2
a wrinkle in time 

today grateful for: 
God's faithfulness in spite of my fickleness
my boys
coworkers
provision 
good health 
cool autumn weather 
clean water 
electricity
appliances
family friendly work conditions

Nothing's gonna hold me down

The last days of September (Andy's birthday) through the first days of October (our wedding anniversary followed by the day we met-we married 364 days after we met) are not the easiest for me. This week with book fair, a HECTIC time, along with late evenings for parent teacher conference night have made it physically as well as mentally exhausting.

This weekend was a renewing time for me. Friday night we hung out with friends enjoying outside joys of autumn-my favorite season! Saturday, we got to work at our church's workday and my boys and I loved it! They were eager to work and that made my heart swell joyfully! If you know my youngest, you know that he is an independent thinker who likes to be in control---so his gratitude and eagerness were a big treat for me.

This morning we visited a local church that was sponsoring the Children of the World choir from World Hope. Wow...what a joy!

Please consider sponsoring a child through World Help and take a minute to check out the Baby Rescue program. Plus I highly recommend Noel Yeatts' book, Awake 

This song is now one of my favs! It is my new morning anthem. I want it played at my funeral!

"I know the King of Kings is holding my hand,

nothing's gonna take this joy!"

brunch:
eggs- sunny side up, 
cheese grits, 
coffee, 
apples, 
bacon, 
biscuits,
oranges

currently listening to:
Nothing's gonna hold me down \o/

currently reading: 
unglued
psalm 139
a wrinkle in time 

today grateful for: 
every moment
Jesus 
my boys 
10 years of marriage to Andy
worship music
World Help
Children of the World choir & their sponsors
fellowship 
our church
friends 
provision 
good health 
cool autumn weather 
fresh water 
my job
a working automobile

For such a time as this...

Yesterday, I asked a friend, are we just getting to the age of experiencing more bad news or are things around us changing? A missionary from our church was just about to depart for a mission trip when she was diagnosed with cancer.

In the past few months, I have seen believers I know experience huge tribulations. An encourager and faithful mother whose son was severely hurt when he was hit by a car while riding his bike, a gentle believer died only 3 months after she was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and a kindhearted, generous father suffered major injuries in an accident.

In the past few months during our family time devotionals/lessons, we have been studying about courage. My oldest latched on to the story of Esther. When thinking on all that has happened lately, I thought of Mordecai's words to Esther:

"Yet, who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14

I think I have stopped asking "why?" and I have began to wonder what does God want me/us to do. Would I chose to suffer loss for the sake of the kingdom?...I am not that spiritually mature yet. Giving my own life is one thing, losing those I love is harder. But one thing I am certain of...God is faithful and does not forsake us...I will praise God no matter what. Evil wins if believers give up.

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.  Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:1-5

As I was reading today's devotional of My Utmost for His Highest, there the thought was again. What do we do daily?

"Worshiping in Everyday Occasions-We presume that we would be ready for battle if confronted with a great crisis, but it is not the crisis that builds something within us— it simply reveals what we are made of already. Do you find yourself saying, “If God calls me to battle, of course I will rise to the occasion”? Yet you won’t rise to the occasion unless you have done so on God’s training ground.
If you have not been worshiping in everyday occasions, when you get involved in God’s work, you will not only be useless yourself but also a hindrance to those around you.
God’s training ground, where the missionary weapons are found, is the hidden, personal, worshiping life of the saint." -Oswald Chambers

In what time are we now?

currently reading:
carry on, mr. bowditch
1 thessalonians
romans

today grateful for:
Jesus
God's promises and His faithfulness
my boys
provision
other believers
fellowship
good health

where have all my brain cells gone....

I was reading a friend's latest blog entry and noticed her sidebar list of blogs she follows. My blog update was over 2 months old. I hadn't blogged the entire summer. The reason...somewhere over the course of the summer....my brain cells were hijacked.

I cannot say I had plans for blogging over the summer but I didn't mean to neglect it. As a teacher I always have plans for summer. Usually I over-plan and accomplish about half of my list. This past year I felt I was regaining my creativity, memory, and organizational skills which had deteriorated after my husband's death.

At school, I decluttered, cleaned, and organized my workspace. I started decluttering my basement at home. To begin the summer, the boys and I enjoyed a couple of days at the beach in NC. The summer was off to a great start.

A day after we had returned home, the derecho hit our area. We were without power, as was the rest of our area, for the next 5 days. Everything slowed down. The 100 plus degree heat made us sluggish. No housework or laundry was done. We spent our days either on the porch or seeking out businesses with electricity. I was thankful to have clean water. We spent our nights in our unfinished, dark, cluttered, but cool basement. The joy of these days was time spent hanging out with my boys, catching up on my reading and time spent enjoying the company of friends. We lingered together in air-conditioned spots around town and caught up with friends who came to use our showers because their electric well pumps were inoperable.

I am not a summer weather girl. I will take a 20 degree day over a 100 degree day in a heartbeat. After 3 days of trying to eat the meat from the freezer, while enduring sticky skin and frizzy hair I was tired. I only wanted to consume cold tea and watermelon.

Thursday after the power returned, I was occupied with scrubbing, vacuuming, and doing laundry. I attempted to reach my mother by phone. The cell phone signals had varied during the power outage and I had not been able to reach her. She lives is NC and was recovering from an outpatient surgical procedure. I finally spoke to her on Saturday night. She sounded quite "out of it."

Sunday as the boys and I were walking to the car to go to church, I got a call from a nurse at my mom's retirement facility. My mom was being taken to the hospital. Instead of driving to church, we headed to NC. Halfway there, my brother called to tell me my mom was gone.

 Now six weeks later, I find myself once again, not able to sleep well...unable to recall appointment dates, names of my coworkers, or where I set something down. I procrastinate completing projects and paperwork, I am disorganized, and I don't want to do housework. A thought will pop into mind that I want to call Mom and tell her ....then I remember. Tears come at unexpected times. ...and once again I am desperate for God. Only the latter is a good thing.

In solitude, on wings of prayer
My soul ascends before the throne;
My only hope of strength is where
My heart and His meet all alone. —Anon.

Prayer is the soil in which hope grows best.

(found the above on Our Daily Bread)

dinner: (picnic on the school grounds)
sandwiches
strawberries
cookies

currently reading:
carry on, mr. bowditch
unglued
ephesians
psalms

today grateful for:
Jesus
my boys
provision
cool breezes and shade
good health
fresh water
electricity

Jamming out....Don't Wait

I am a crank-it-up-LOUD music girl. I think it started when I was a teen... in my first car, a 1968 Chevy Impala. When "Take the Long Way Home" by Supertramp came on the radio, I had to crank it up and take the long way home.

My current crank it up fav is "Don't Wait" by Addison Road. Jamming out to the lyrics ....EVERY DAY MATTERS!

dinner: (with Life Group)
hot dogs, roasted over a fire

chips & dip

cherries & watermelon

veggies

cheesecake

currently reading:
farmer boy
brain rules
i used to be so organized
matthew

today grateful for:
Jesus
my boys
community
fellowship
friends
provision
good health
cool spring weather
my front porch
working lawnmower
fresh water
electricity

Mother's Day

As Mother's Day approached this year, I spent time searching the internet for a gift for my mother. I put a great deal of thought into her gifts each year.

She is 86 years old and lives in a retirement community. She doesn't need any things. In fact, she could use less stuff. (I believe her need for stuff comes from a combination of a depression-era mentality and the fact that as a child, her family did not have a great deal.)

She has numerous health issues, including diabetes. So candy and chocolate covered fruit are out. I do not think she would eat a "bouquet" of plain, edible fruit.

On my drive to work on the week before Mother's Day, I heard the last part of a story on the radio. It was the story of a man who while at the florist ordering flowers for his mother, met a little girl buying flowers for her mom. When the man asked if he could take the girl to her mom, she agreed. She directed him to the cemetery. Immediately the man cancelled his order and bought and delivered flowers in person to his mom.

After a brief prayer, I decided we would drive the 450 miles round trip to see my Mom on Sunday. I decided against leaving Saturday evening, since my youngest son had a karate promotion ceremony late Saturday afternoon and I had a ton of yard work to finish before the coming rain. The fact that my father passed away just a few weeks after Father's Day in 2005, probably influenced my decision as well. I often have thoughts when visiting someone I love, if this will be the last time I see that person alive. I do not like saying goodbye.

It was a bit hard on my boys to sit in the car for the 3 1/2 hours down and the 4 hours back. It doesn't help that my youngest has broken the DVD player in the car (by kicking it). But they were troopers and we had a nice visit with Mom. Every time, I get to hug her neck, it is a good day. She thought I was a bit loopy for driving down and back in a day.

I believe being present and doing things for the ones you love is the best gift. Material gifts are worthless. I would much rather have action , time, or a handmade something than a bouquet any day!

breakfast:
cereal
coffee

currently reading:
little house on the prairie
no other gods
isaiah

today grateful for:
God and His faithfulness (Recently a friend posted on Facebook, that God is good after she passed her exams--I argue God is good when we fail too. He is always good.He is God.)
my Mother
my boys
a working automobile
gas money
our health
my job/mission field

favorite place

My most in-depth conversations with my oldest son often begin as I am tucking him into bed. Tonight he asked me, "Besides home, what is your favorite place in [our town]?"

I did not have an answer. The question caught me off guard just a bit. I enjoy volunteering at my sons' school.I feel at home in our new church and very comfortable in the home where our life group gathers. I enjoy the local trails and bike paths. We enjoy going to our minor league ballpark. I smile everyday when I get to pass by the horse pasture where we were married. I have fun meeting up with my best friend for coffee or lunch. I relish trips into the mountains.

But, my favorite place is right here...at home. My boys are here. Our memories are here. I am  content at our house. I watch them play in the yard. They build lego creations in their rooms. I enjoy my coffee as I rock in my rocking chair. We snuggle up to read together. The dog curls up under the kitchen table to nap. I savor quiet moments on the back deck in the mornings and on the front porch in the evenings.

In the morning, I must ask my son, besides home...what is his favorite place?

dinner: (at bereavement group---thanks, Jill, et al! It was the best I've had at KH.)
fried chicken

yummo fruit salad!

baked beans

mac n cheese

brownies

currently reading:
little house on the prairie
no other gods
my single mom life
the irresistible revolution
eccelesiastes

today grateful for:
Jesus
my boys
community
fellowship
my coworkers
spring rain
our house
loose baby teeth

Passover Seder

This evening was busy and joyous. My youngest lost his first baby tooth (bottom front) and for our second year, the boys and I celebrated Passover with a Seder. It tickles me how much the boys enjoy new tradition. This year we observed it a day early since our family night is Wednesday. Although it is a special meal served on our best dishes, the boys decided to take off their "dress" shirts from school picture day and wear white undershirts. Definitely worth a chuckle.This year, I was blessed to find the Christian resource for a Seder in the Thriving Family magazine to use as our version of a Haggadah. I smiled with motherly joy through the entire meal as I listened to how much the boys knew of the Passover and Easter story. My favorite part was when they each took a turn praying. My heart is floating in a state of bliss.

Years ago, after viewing a Zola Levitt special, Andy and I had many conversations about celebrating Passover with the Seder. The Seder is what Jesus celebrated as the Last Supper and the symbolism of the ancient tradition points to the Messiah. So this the new tradition for our family.

dinner:
Seder elements
lamb shanks in mint and rosemary sauce
mashed potatoes
charoset

currently reading:
Passover is here!
thriving family
no other gods
my single mom life
barefoot church
exodus

today grateful for:
Christ
God
my boys
Passover
Easter

busy, ???productive??? Saturday

So often on Saturdays, I am trying to catch up on all of those things that I do not have time to do or I am too tired to do during the week. I feel mostly unskilled as I approach these tasks.
For example, this Saturday I ...

• gathered up another couple of bags and bins to take to the consignment stores (However--1 store was not accepting that day, so I had to bring 3 bags back home.)
  
  
• cut the grass (I had forgotten I made sure there was no gasoline in the mowers at the end of the season, last year. My gas can was empty and I had to make a run to the gas station. Then the choke on my riding lawnmower is stuck. After several attempts to fix the choke, I gave up and used my push mower. The push mower malfunctioned and would not shut off, so I mowed until it was too dark-hoping the gas would run out.)
  
  
• attempted to exterminate a 3' x 3' anthill in my backyard (I doused it with gasoline and lit it. Despite the charred patch, those buggers did not die.)
  
  
• attempted to fix the leak under my kitchen sink (My jury rigged solution appears to be working but I sacrificed a hammer as part of the rig---don't ask.)
  
  
• steam cleaned the section of the living room carpet upon which our dog relieved himself (However, I added just a tad too much detergent and I had to redo the section due to soap overload.)
  
  
• and washed 5 loads of laundry. (These are piled up on a living room chair, still waiting for me to fold them

I did enjoy some successes this Saturday....

• took the boys to the Fan Fest at our minor league ballpark, (We had a blast---eating hotdogs and cracker jacks, watching local celebs compete in a home run derby, chatting with friends we ran into at the park, taking a tour of the clubhouse and dugout, and taking some batting practice.)
• went to the school ball field with the boys to practice throwing, catching and batting, (not a success---I accidentally hit my youngest on the shoulder when throwing him the ball. He would be happy to recount my mistake and show you his bruise.)
  
• helping my oldest son study for an upcoming test, and
  
• helping my youngest get his eggs "stuffed" for his class celebration next week.
  

I am chalking this Saturday up as productive since we had fun, my yard no longer looks like an abandoned lot and no children or animals (not even ants) were severely harmed in the completion of these tasks.

dinner:
potluck at life group ---fellowship and no dishes to wash :)

currently reading:
little house in the big woods
no other gods
my single mom life
barefoot church
genesis

today grateful for:
God
my boys
spring
life group

spring fever

Years ago, I used to rise before the sun most mornings. Now I drag out of bed. This morning my 5 year old and I had to pick my other son from school by 7 AM. Last night our PTA conducted an overnight "read-a-thon" fundraiser. The kids have designated times to read. The rest of the time they behave like you would expect 9, 10, and 11 year-olds to do.

So this morning with the nice weather and my rising before the daylight savings time sun...I have a bit of spring fever.









stuff on my porch....

.... a rocking horse that my dad made for me.
















... an old rocker that I repainted and re-covered the seat.






This peacefulness is likely come to an end in about an hour when I have to drag my drowsy 10 year old out of bed to head over to the Pinewood Derby race.

















currently reading:
little house in the big woods
no other gods
barefoot church
my single mom life
thriving family

today grateful for:
God's presence
my boys
friends
flowers
spring weather

decisions, thoughts and single parenting

Several times over this past month, I have started composing a post. However, each time writing was a burden rather than an extension of thoughts, so I quit. Quitting has been one of my themes for the month. This month, I have had so many other situations that have drained me, that putting thoughts "to paper" was not worth it. I haven't kept up with my housework either. So be warned, this post is not uplifting.

Lately, I have been faced with several decisions to make. I either avoid making decisions like the plague or I make decisions as quickly as possible to get it over with as soon as possible. I do not remember if I struggled thus with making decisions prior to my husband's death or not. My memory fails me often. Maybe it is just that I no longer have my partner to share my pros and cons with or more likely, he had such a skilled way of thinking that he could cut right to what was truly important.

More than once this month the loneliness of single parenting has stung. It hurts when there are conflicts in responsibilities and I cannot be 2 or 3 places at once. The latest is that the date of my son's end of the season wrestling banquet has been changed a week before the event. It has been changed to a night that my principal has required that all faculty attend an evening event. I cannot be in 2 places at once. I have searched for other possible solutions. We have no other close acquaintances in our wrestling world and non-wrestling friends have busy lives.

My son now faces such news with resign because he has heard it before. He doesn't complain but it breaks my heart and makes me feel like I have failed. I pray that God will use these disappointments to make us both spiritually stronger. Now I am off to have some quiet time before the boys wake up. Praying to reclaim my joy and peace in abundance.

dinner:
a mish mash(something different for each...gluten free pizza, ravioli, chicken pot pie

currently reading:
little house in the big woods
no other gods
helping children know God
1 samuel

today grateful for:
God
my boys
the bible
a warm house

days like today...need "do over" buttons

After I put the kids to bed tonight, I had that heavy I-get-the-bad-parenting-award feeling. Our day started out fine, pleasant in fact. However, we leapt off the cliff by day's end.

Lately, my patience is as thin as a wafer from daily wear and tear on the home front. It did not take long today to gash through my scant reserve only a short while after whining, complaining and opposition began. Add to that the homework, studying for tests, school projects and household tasks, and I was a goner. The occasions are rare when a child exhibits initiative or forethought. As the only adult in the house, there is no mediator to step in or tag team partner to take over when I am spent. Many days feel like I am trying to run uphill while towing a trailer full of wild, screaming monkeys as the freezing rain pelts me.

On the bright side, at this hour of the night I cannot run to the grocery store to buy a pint of ice cream.

When days end this way, I try to refocus before I go to bed. Sometimes it takes longer to unload and unwind. Often I find music my path to refreshing. Tonight when I opened my Pandora internet radio station, "hymns for worship," the following was the first song.



Thank you God for music.

currently listening to:
pandora radio, hymns

dinner:
mexican

currently reading:
the last battle
no other gods
7: an experimental mutiny against excess
helping children know God
galatians, psalms

today grateful for:
God
my boys
forgiveness and hope
home
music (and technology to easily access it)
sleep

questions of life

I have written previously of my questions following Andy's death. This morning I read a devotional from Morningstar ministries that addresses "The Questions of Life" which are my questions. Rick Joyner writes:

"I am not sure why, but I intend to inquire of the Lord until we know. I am not doing this out of guilt or sorrow, but so we do not keep losing these battles."

The few times I have begun to inquire, I feel the fear begin to well up and so I stop. I cannot inquire yet with out "guilt or sorrow."

This morning I was reading from 2 Timothy where Paul knows his life is near the end and he writes to Timothy with a solid focus on God, His plan, and Jesus. I admire that maturity and quality in Paul, especially knowing where Paul was at that time. Rick Joyner also writes:

"As Paul Cain recently said, "Christian maturity does not come with the passage of time, but by the right responses to the dealings of God." If we are to mature from Dennis' battle, we must have the right response to it."

Here I am in my 40's and I am still far from spiritually mature. I know God is near, here with me---where am I? How far am I from Him?

currently listening to:
silence after a big blow up between the boys (each has been dispatched to a separate room)
and

currently reading:
the final battle
7: an experimental mutiny against excess
2 Timothy

today grateful for:
God and His patience with me
God's faithfulness
the Bible

january funk, resolve, and vacillation

I have not blogged in a while because my focus towards creative or productive thought has been erratic. When I am away from my home and my computer, which is most of the time, I have moments of clarity and inspiration of topics for blogging. When I have my laptop in hand, I cannot think of what to write so I tend to read instead. As of late, I am not successful in backtracking through my memory and finding my lost brainstorms.

My January funk or malaise only hinders my ability to focus. Once home, I vacillate between determined and unmotivated. Since our winter break, I have continued to sleep more and do less around the house during workdays. Many weekdays I am in bed as soon as possible after I put the kids to bed. I am sleeping 8-10 hours so I am not an early riser these days either---at least by my standards (rising early means awake before 6 AM). It seems to be a regular cycle of wake, have quiet time, dress, pack lunches, eat breakfast, go to work/school, attend the boys' after-school activities(athletics, bereavement groups/counseling, scouts), monitor or cajole homework, teach/remediate, fix/eat dinner, coordinate bathes, do bits of housework, bed... I squeeze in reading and grocery shopping while the boys are at their athletic practices.

As winter progresses, I have a few goals. My main goal continues to be to simplify and declutter in order to move towards a somewhat minimalistic household. The kitchen has been the easiest place to start and make progress. I have cleared out most of our tupperware, rubbermaid, and the like. I want to eliminate plastic completely from our kitchen, so that when we heat up, cook or store food it is done in glass or metal. I have eliminated half of our knife collection as well as half of our pots, pans, and baking-ware. I am slowly clearing off the kitchen counter tops and making room to store many things/appliances inside cabinets. The coffeemaker, microwave and vitamix warrant their spots "above ground" though. Since mid-December, we have taken a car load every week to Goodwill/consignment store/dump. My eldest took it upon himself to select a garbage bag full of gently used stuffed animals to donate to Gleaning for the World's Teddy Bear Brigade. (big mom smile) I have packed away many knick knacks and self-standing picture frames from our great room. I enjoy the visual peacefulness .

I am currently reading a book that I am enjoying and hoping for further inspiration towards my goal of simplification. It is entitled, 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker. Hers is a Christian point of view towards minimalism in order to eliminate distractions and get closer to God.

In his book, Money, Possessions, and Eternity, Randy Alcorn discusses this perspective as well. (He is the author of one of my all time favorite books-Safely Home.) [I am buying ebooks so as not to have physical book clutter. One advantage of ebooks is that since I have both the Nook app and Kindle app on my phone, I can carry my "library" anywhere I go.]
I have read other secular books about decluttering and simplifying:
Give it up! by Mary Carlomagno
Simplify by Joshua Becker
Miss Minimalist Inspiration to Downsize, Declutter, and Simplify by Francine Jay
Living in the land of enough by Courtney Carver

I follow Peter Walsh on Facebook/Twitter and his show "Extreme Clutter" on OWN is one of a handful of shows I watch. I like his philosophy of having a vision for your space(s) and using that to motivate and guide you.

Time will tell.

currently listening to:
boys playing

breakfast:
me--egg white & spinach sandwich
kids--toast & fruit

currently reading:
the final battle
7: an experimental mutiny against excess
proverbs

today grateful for:
my boys
home
God
provision
safety
laughter
coffee
sunlight