Season's end...

The baseball season has come to its scheduled end. Although my fav team, the Red Sox, was not in the world series (and they by no means came close to earning it this year), I watched the series and cheered on the Cardinals. I would rank Game 6 as the best game I've seen. We root for the cardinals because, Busch Stadium was the first MLB stadium to which I took the boys.

I have always enjoyed baseball games in person-live as opposed to TV broadcast. Before Andy died--Andy, the boys and I never made it to see our local minor league team because we did not make time. Between my end of school and beginning of school responsibilities in May & August and his heavy work schedule in mid and late summer, we never made it.


In 2001, there was a MasterCard commercial about 2 guys touring the country visiting every MLB stadium. We discussed doing that with our soon-to-be first born, but we never could mange to afford to do it. Since the summer of 2009, the boys and I have been to Busch Stadium, Turner Field, and Camden Yards.

Andy was a sports fan---baseball, football, hockey. It amazed me how he he had so many stats in his head. He could answer wild, obscure trivia questions. One of his connections to baseball was that his dad grew up with Jim "Catfish" Hunter. I enjoy the family stories involving Catfish. I saw Hunter's headstone when we were in NC for Andy's grandmother's funeral.

I grew up in a sports fan family as well. My mom is purely a spectator. My dad was the athlete. Among other things, he was a Golden Gloves champion. My maternal grandfather paid for seminary by playing semi-pro baseball in Richmond. I played softball for many years.

I am planning our stadium trip for next summer. My plan is for us to see the Nationals. I am optimistic that Strasburg will stay healthy. Hopefully, we'll do a mini DC tour as well. T has been wanting to see the Spymuseum.

currently listening to:
morning cartoons

dinner: (last night)
brunswick stew

currently reading:
the voyage of the dawn treader
the undistracted widow
moneyball
the apostolic ministry
1 Peter

today grateful for:
my boys
memories
baseball
a working automobile
God's provision

repetition

it hit me(as it has many times before) that once again i have lost that perspective that i value. the perspective that i received when andy died. the perspective of what is truly important and what is not. what i should value and what is just foolish distraction. on this journey, we drift from those initial emotional days of grief. like a ship at sea, just one degree of difference will eventually take us miles away from where we began. while reading my devotion this morning, i was reminded that God keeps the same perspective throughout time. he's always on course and always consistent. wow!

i am often frustrated by my fickleness and by how easily i am drawn off course by chores, stresses at work, projects or homework that has to be finished tonight, the never-ending laundry and housework, packing lunches, etc. the worship and glorifying God comes in doing these things daily with perspective and love from him. the biblical story of the daily gathering of manna is a vivid picture of what I must do mentally and spiritually each day--seek out what God has for me, use it and savor it deeply for this present day and then do it again tomorrow. look to God each morning for what he sets outs for me to do. just because i felt spiritually on fire in the presence of God today, does not mean i can hoard that for tomorrow. each day requires its own gathering... perspective and worship in daily repetition.

i did enjoy and savor many moments over the last 48 hours as the boys and i went camping with the cub scouts. the sites and smells of autumn...watching the boys playing together, helping each other and helping others, enjoying hot cocoa/coffee on a freezing morning, having the physical ability and the opportunity to go, participate and enjoy.

pray, worship/live, repeat

currently listening to:
silence

dinner: (last night)
chicken soup with rice, cornbread

currently reading:
the voyage of the dawn treader
the undistracted widow
moneyball
the apostolic ministry
exodus

today grateful for:
my boys
shelter
what i get to do each day
a working automobile
the bible
God

thinking twice

so many times, i really should think twice before i open my big mouth. why do i complain about october? it is a very hectic month for us. i pray that in the future, my first thoughts would be ones of thankfulness instead of complaining....

instead of.....	i SHOULD think...
i have too many errands...	i am blessed to have a car
	i am blessed to have funds to buy gas
	i am blessed to live in a place with available resources
	i am blessed i can get out of bed
there are so many non-teaching things i have to get done at work...	i am blessed to work in my calling
	i am blessed to have a job
	i am blessed to have a safe workplace
i have to get up so early...	i am blessed to have a bedroom of my own
	i am blessed i can go to sleep at night without fear
	i am blessed to have a roof over my head
there are so many chores to do everyday around the house	i am blessed to have a house
	i am blessed to a washing machine
	i am blessed to have inside plumbing & clean water
	i am blessed to i can get around to do these things
sickness in the house is the pits	i am blessed to have healing
	i am blessed to have funds & access to good medical facilities
this single parenting thing stinks...	i am blessed to be a mom
	i am blessed to have been married to Andy
	i am blessed to have 2 wonderful, healthy boys
	i am blessed to be alive
	i am blessed to have God

currently listening to:
rain

dinner: (last night)
fast food

currently reading:
the voyage of the dawn treader
the undistracted widow
moneyball
the apostolic ministry
luke

today grateful for:
my boys
provision
modern medicine
a working automobile
a job
a house
God

Flannel sheets...take me away

I love autumn, but October seems to be my most hectic month. It is filled with tons of things to get done...the bookfair at my school, changing of seasonal clothes, the end of the school grading/marking period, working conference nights after full regular days, yard work, house maintenance, scout events, etc. Maybe it hits me like a mack truck since the emotional ride starts with Andy's birthday the last week in September followed a week later by our wedding anniversary. Plus since his death, I have hated doing the tax returns and for the past 3 years I have filed for extensions. The extension deadline is October 15th. I am terrible with deadlines hanging over my head. To boot, I have some other emotional decisions to make. I am decision fatigued. I would prefer to curl up in my flannel sheets and sleep until November.

currently listening to:
the dog snoring
the fridge running

dinner:
pasta & salad at the kids' bereavement group meeting

currently reading:
the voyage of the dawn treader
the undistracted widow
moneyball
the apostolic ministry
2 corinthians

today grateful for:
my boys
widow friends
provision
God's hand