birthday blessings

today was my birthday and my sons surprised and treated me to several surprises.  when i returned home this morning from my saturday farmers' market shopping trip, i opened the front door to a beautiful chorus of "happy birthday." 

the table was set for breakfast and with specially folded napkins, a beautifully wrapped gift, and a spread of handmade cards. (one featuring "bacon man!")

my oldest wrote the verse jeremiah 1:5 on the chalkboard.  this alone made my heart sing.    it is a gift beyond words.

what can i say?  my boys have their dad's gift of intuition and insight.  it was a morning of pure joy for me.  my youngest made a list so as not to forget any details.   my oldest prepared an incredible, homemade breakfast for us...


fruit salad with strawberries, wine berries and bananas, the most delicious cheese omelet i have ever tasted, 
and croissants.

we sat and ate and giggled.   joy!














my oldest thought ahead and while he was at boy scout camp in june, he made me a sign for my library complete with the school mascot.

today was one of the best days.  one i will treasure.

dinner:

gourmet pizza and cheesecake (dining out)

listening to:

third day

currently reading:
when helping hurts

1 timothy

today grateful for:

my boys

another year

andy

God's word

laughter and joy

day 15

Today is day 15 in my February project and as of today I am 5 days behind in my postings. Today I will not be posting my Feb. count as I have not tallied my previous non-posting days counts. Something in my brain starts to get anxious when I fall behind organizationally. I will have a more detailed post hopefully very soon. We went out of town to see my mother and celebrate her 85th birthday. We had a delightful weekend and our Valentine's Day was one of the most enjoyable since Andy died--so I will be posting additional details later. Needless to say, focusing on others with God's love made the past 5 days light and joyful on my heart.

Currently listening to:
coffee brewing

Dinner (last night):
a covered dish potluck at our bereavement meeting

Currently reading:
the Sunday newspaper from the big city-usually takes me a few days to read
John
1John

Today grateful for:
good health
my boys
working automobiles
God's provision
a warm house
my mother
purpose
Godly friends who love us
my students
coffee
the Word

Days 9 & 10

These have been two days that seem more like a blur looking back.

Wednesday is our family night, which consists of our commitment ot spend a few hours with just each other. We eat at home on family night. We do a study together from a devotional book, Gotta Have God. The boys repeat their weekly memory verse again. If they had recited it correctly on 4 different days in the past week and then again on our family night, they each earn a prize from the mystery prize bag. I think memorization of scripture is critical. I have found when I am pressed by tough circumstances, I pull from my reservoir of memorized scripture and praise music. I want my boys to have those Words ever present in their minds-reminding them of who they are in God's eyes and who God is. And to boot, memorization is good brain work. We round out our family nights with reading from a novel and playing a game together.

Yesterday and today, when I looked at my hand, I was reminded of my February love commitment. I also planned out some acts and as a result I felt more focused. Over these past 2 days, I had zero "V8" moments.

Tonight my eldest attended a friend's birthday party at the local skating rink/arcade, so my youngest and I had our own fun night. We went out to our fav local pizza place and he told me jokes for 20 plus minutes. Tonight he learned the meaning of the word hysterical, which he used a dozen or so times during conversation. Then we giggled and shared a banana split.

on this day in February:
celebration (celebrating February & Acts of Love) - 5
discards-5
nonessential purchases - 0

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. Psalm 107:1

I never leave your hands...


Currently listening to:
JJ Heller
Jill Phillips
Warren Barfield

Dinner:
gluten-free pizza

Currently reading:
Ephesians

Today grateful for:
good health
my boys
my newborn niece
a warm house
my son's friends
my sons' teachers
purpose
my students
coffee
the Word

Day 6

Again I am a day behind in my posting as yesterday was Day 6. Yesterday was a joy, not only because of sunshine and it is the Lord's Day but as another day with chances to act and share.
I recognized long ago that Sundays are often the days when the battle to get out the door is the fiercest. That battle (usually of the wills aka pride) between the residents of our household-you know, kids and their mom-is an affirmation that where we are going and what we are doing is the right thing to do. So I have incorporated a weapon into our Sunday battle routine, praise. In last 10 miles (or more some days) before we reach the church building, no one is allowed to talk. Only praise music is to be heard. We can either sing or just listen. When the fight seems beyond you and your abilities, then you have truth and you should release your grip-give up control, and just praise.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12

I love the opportunity I have to teach preschool on Sundays. It is an honor that sometimes I take for granted. There are places in this world where sharing the gospel with children is a punishable offense. Yesterday, it was our praise and worship time that I am still savoring today. Man, there is nothing like full out, unabashed dancing and singing to the Lord-and these kids let loose. I pray the Lord received their blessing.

Each evening in this month so far, when I have reflected back upon the day, I have realized chances that I missed to let God's thoughts be my thoughts and to bless one of His children. I am disappointed because at my age, I would have thought that I would be more spiritually mature. Thank goodness each day is a new chance.

on this day in February:
celebration (celebrating February & Acts of Love) - 4
discards-21
nonessential purchases - 2
totals thus far: celebrations: 10 (1% of goal); discards: 124 (58% of goal) ; nonessential purchases: 2


Currently listening to:
silence

Dinner:
Super Bowl food
Bacon Cheddar Potato Soup
Chili & Cheese Nachos
fruit

Currently reading:
Ephesians

Today grateful for:
provision
sunshine
my preschoolers
music
God's presence

Day 5

Yesterday was Day 5. I am finding that reaching my daily goals of about 3-4 acts towards my February celebratory 100 Acts of Love are a bit difficult to accomplish spontaneously. From today forward, I will plan out at least 3 per day while still praying for God to show me several other extemporaneous opportunities. In the past 2 days I am blessed as I have been a recipient of more acts of love than I have given.

Today I tackled one of several neglected and cluttered places in the house, my husband's closet.
Some of my widow friends were able to go through their husbands' clothing and belongings soon after the deaths. It was after the 1 year mark before I was able to go through the first of his things. In this closet are still his shirts that were my favorites, his pillow I sealed in plastic the day after he died (hoping that it would still smell like him) and some of his comic books, toys and presents for the boys. Now 2 years later, I am emotionally stronger and able to handle this task better than I was a year or so ago. I stopped only twice for small emotional breakdowns. I spent several hours emptying and sorting most of the items, only about 25% of which were clothing. After most of the contents were strewn ALL over the bedroom, the thought hit me that I should have taken a photo of the closet before I started. I did take a photo of the mid-cleaning sort. I do not have the courage to share that picture publicly, yet. In addition to the general trash, I am discarding or donating over 90 items from the closet.

I broke the goal of zero nonessential purchases as I had to purchase 2 birthday gifts for my sons' friends. He received 2 invitations this week to birthday parties and he no longer wants to give gifts from my bin of on-hand gifts. The boys made one additional purchase each. They have saved money towards their purchases. The boys both have a Larry Burkett, Giving Bank which helps to teach them to tithe and to save for short term as well as long term. Yesterday, my 4 year old purchased a paper jamz drum set and my 9 year old wanted an accessory for his electronic game system. I did not count their purchases towards my monthly total.


in February:
celebration (celebrating February & Acts of Love) - 1
discards-92
nonessential purchases - 2


Currently listening to:


Breakfast
waffles
fruit

Currently reading:
Ephesians
online preview sections of One Thing At A Time

Today grateful for:
healing and good health
clean water
sunshine
my boys
strength from the Lord

Day 4

I am exhausted as I have been caring for a sick child today. I have been up since before 4:30 AM. Hard to believe 3 years ago that was my regular time to rise to pray and run. I will be in bed tonight an hour or so earlier than normal. Just quotes and thoughts to share that have been in my thoughts today....all the while singing, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus."

"For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again." 2 Corinthians 5:14-15

St. Francis of Assisi was once walking with a priest who was pointing out the splendor of a cathedral they were passing. With a touch of pride the priest remarked, "We can no longer say, 'Silver and gold have we none,' "to which St. Francis replied, "And neither can we say to the cripple, 'Rise up and walk.' "
from Morningstar devotion, day 120

Remember our brothers and sisters in chains throughout the world. The turmoil in Egypt may bring it to the attention of others.

from Voice of the Martyrs, Extreme Devotion:

"Reading stories about extreme believers will not change anything. Praying for extreme believers can change everything-maybe even today."

in February:
celebration (celebrating February & Acts of Love) - 2
discards-4
nonessential purchases - 0


Currently listening to:
children sleeping

Dinner:
pizza
toast (for sick child)

Currently reading:
Matthew
(not much time to read today)

Today grateful for:
my coworkers who helped cover for me today
good health
access to modern meds
shelter and safety
clean water
working automobiles
my boys
music
the joy of the Lord

Day 3

Day 3
Tonight I am turning in early and here are just a few of my thoughts about today---some are a bit disjointed-please forgive me.

The key to staying focused is how I start my day. Started my morning off 1/2 hour earlier in order to have more time in His presence fueling up.

"We are called to be a part of it, by taking dominion for the kingdom of God wherever He has placed us. We are called to turn our homes into a piece of heaven. We are called to turn our jobs, schools, places where we shop, everywhere we go, into part of the domain of heaven. "

"It will come by a love so strong that hatred collapses before it. It will come by a joy so powerful that depression dissipates like fog before the sun. It will come through a peace so profound that fear flees from it. It will come with such patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control that all authority and influence based on anything man has tried to build on will not be able to stand before it."

"The time will soon be upon us when everything man has tried to build will be seen as the fragile idol it is, and it will come down. Our job is to simply grow in the kingdom of God..."

from a devotion from Morningstar Ministries

And in the days of these kings the God of heaven will set up a kingdom which shall never be destroyed; and the kingdom shall not be left to other people; it shall break in pieces and consume all these kingdoms, and it shall stand forever. Daniel 2:44

This devotion reminds of a principal we learned at church. Each believer has dominion over the area to which she has been assigned. This is not a people-power dominion but a spiritual dominion. The right to claim this place under the authority of God.
I teach a preschool class at my church and Andy used to pray with me in the classroom each Sunday before I taught. He would claim my priesthood over the room and the authority as leader in that group.

Finding a central picture/thought for each day is a wonderful tool which acts as a power principal for guiding me in practicing love. I think that is why I am so encouraged by stories of persecuted Christians despite their circumstances even in the vilest, scariest places, the love of Christ still gives them spiritual dominion and they do not give up. I guess too if you are tiny enough compared to how giant you perceive a situation to be, then the more you have to rely on God if you have any hope of triumphing.

God gave me a vision a few years back. The scripture in Matthew 17 speaks of having faith to move a mountain but God showed me that if I fixate my eyes upon him then every mountain shrinks and is no longer an obstacle much like Peter's experience walking on water. I should never be overwhelmed by the mountains. Any time a mountain seems too big, then I need to refocus. The mountains don't need to be moved, I do.

The hymn says it so well. I just kept humming this today. It especially helped when my preschooler was throwing an all out screaming fit, this morning.


"But instantly He spoke to them, saying, Take courage! I AM! Stop being afraid!"
Matthew 14:27
I can here the I AM spoken with thunder and deafening power.



from Oswald Chambers
"But the miracle of the redemptive reality of God is that the worst and the vilest offender can never exhaust the depths of His love"
Boy, there is a line for anyone who works with people-moms. teachers, pastors, etc

I call on God to help me not give up just as he does not give up.


celebration - 1
discards-3
nonessential purchases - 0
(I was tempted as I went into our combo Hallmark/Post Office to pick up priority mail boxes. All of the Christmas stuff was marked 75% off. I stayed firm.)


Currently listening to:
hymns

Dinner:
breakfast
eggs / spinach omelet
bacon
toast
fruit
yogurt

Currently reading:
365 Thank Yous
Matthew
Studies in the Sermon on the Mount
Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption

Today grateful for:
my boys
sunshine
a great dentist
the word
God's love

credits:
Morningstar ministries
Biblegateway.com (great site, can switch between translations and look up cross references with just a click)

Day 1

I was refreshed in the joy of this new seeking of God's perspective. Other than a time or two when I got caught up as the prey in the spider's web of the daily"task-dom" and moments of self-centeredness, I spent the day completing work objectives and seeking opportunities to celebrate with acts of love. It is fun to spend the day aware and seeking chances to bless others. Finding opportunities was harder than I thought it. I had hopes of finding opportunities above and beyond my daily routine. What I rediscovered is that love is often found, not in grandiose actions, but in sacrificing or just being present for those whom you are with and opening up to be a decanter of sorts, rather than a superhero. I think it was Dr. Phil who I heard say once, when you choose to say "yes" to one thing, then you are saying "no" to something else. Thanks for the chance to say yes to love and no to selfishness. What an "opportunity cost." The two chances I found today were fulfilling.

1. I had the chance to listen and reach out to an 8 year old girl. I stopped a regular routine at school to ask her why she seemed less upbeat. She explained that she was worried about her mom and dad. It seems that they have been sick in bed and she has been caring for them and taking care of her younger siblings. I listened and told her how blessed her family was to have her. I said while she was at school they were at home resting and recovering and at school she could let us care for her. I told her I would pray for them and her. I explained that worrying would only bother her.
   
   
2. In the last five minutes at work I was hurrying to get a final responsibility completed so I could leave on time in order to get to a weekly appointment. Another teacher came in and asked if I could assist in a conference with the parent of a struggling student. I agreed explaining I only had a few minutes because of my appointment. I sat down with the others at a table and began to think of what a fluster I would be in now and I would have to rush to get to where I needed to go. I know it was the Holy Spirit who impressed upon me to be present in this moment as I was needed. My worry dissipated at that moment. I focused on the others I was with. Even though I was 15 minutes behind in leaving, I was at peace and made it to the appointment with time to spare (which has never happened before even when I have left earlier from work.)

As for spending, this morning I was tempted to purchase a book by Oswald Chambers. When I looked it up online, I found it was available as a free e-book from Barnes & Noble.

I have set a few guidelines for my purging efforts. I will only count items for my discard tally that are not regular trash or garbage and at work only my personal items count. Therefore, no papers other than bound items and no organic items. Today, I fell a bit short only discarding 2 items at work and none at home.

I pondered writing of the acts of love. My goal is to seek God's perspective and glorify Him, not to draw attention to myself. Since I am encouraged when I read of the actions of others-regular folks as well as persecuted Christians, I am hoping that maybe others might be encouraged by my sharing my daily attempts.

celebration - 2
discards-2
nonessential purchases - 0

No one can serve two masters Matthew 6:24
Your will be done. Matthew 6:10

Currently listening to:
the rain

Dinner:
fast food

Currently reading:
365 Thank Yous
Matthew
Studies in the Sermon on the Mount

Today grateful for:
my boys
the word
God
his joy
chances

It's not about me

I feel as though for many years I have been caught up in myself, my own little world. I have reached a point of exasperation with myself. Enough already!

Previously I worked to find ways to combat my self-centeredness. In one of my workplaces, I had a few colleagues that irritated me with their selfish, vindictive gossiping and scheming. My first urge, and not a very grown-up or Christian line of thinking, was to seek retribution. So to counter that urge,in addition to praying for him or her(which is no small thing -it is life changing BTW), I sought to do pleasant things anonymously for my coworkers--such as leave baked goodies or pleasant decorations in the breakroom, add fancy handsoap in the washroom, and leave encouraging notes or small gifts at the offending coworkers' workstations.

My self absorption seems to have increased over these past 2 years because of grief and imbalance. I think partially because I have lost my soulmate who was my counterbalance. He was one in the relationship who was thoughtful and incredible listener, picked up tiny details and could read people. I have decided that it is time to turn around. I want my boys to have an outlook on the world that does not revolve around themselves and I must set the example. Plus, I know my purpose on this earth is not for myself.

Last week I began reading a wonderful book, "365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life" by John Kralik. He writes of how he spent a year with the goal of writing 365 thank you notes, basically one a day. I am enjoying this easy to read and uplifting account of his year and how it changed his perspective. I believe gratitude is the start to an outward perspective. As a Christian, this started for me with gratitude to my Saviour for his love and sacrifice. Each night before bed, the boys and I name one or more things for which we are grateful. On our weekly family night, we individually name the thing in the past week for which we are the most grateful and I record each answer in our "gratitude notebook." My plan is for us to read back through this gratitude journal during Passover.

I am just beginning to feel as though my brain is returning to reality and is able to process and hold thoughts. It has felt like I have been driving over the mountains in a thick fog with my hands in a death grip on the steering wheel. I have stopped to take a breath and let go of the wheel. It probably helps that I have been sleeping better since the holidays. A more efficient brain has meant I can begin reflecting quite a bit and deciding, studying and praying on how to jump-start an "outward" perspective. So I have set some goals to begin this month.

Actions to begin in February

1. Celebrate February with 100 Acts of Love-- an idea I got from Christy Bower, "The Christian Minimalist" blogger.
2. Discard/giveaway 211 items(get it 2/11=211) to loosen the bonds that owning stuff has on me.(about 7-8 things per day)
3. Along that freedom from materialism line ---Commit not to buy anything except food, gas & meds. I am going to attempt to buy as few groceries as possible by utilizing items from our pantry & freezer.
4. During my study time, concentrate on scripture that focuses on the love of others and sharing God's love.

I intend to hold myself accountable and to document this journey on the blog.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21

As so often is the case in my life, there are musical accompaniments for this turn in life. matthew west's "my own little world" and jj. heller's "what love really means"

it's not about me

Currently listening to:
Jimmy Needham-"Dearly Loved"

Dinner:
leftovers

Currently reading:
365 Thank Yous
Matthew
Be Joyful

Today grateful for:
my boys
the word
lessons learned
good health
sunshine
a job
a purpose
God’s provision
God's presence

Mi amor, mi amada

Tonight on the Widow's Voice Blog I read a post which included a beautiful love poem by Pablo Neruda (pen name of Neftalí Ricardo Reyes Basoalto).

Love Sonnet LXXXIX by Pablo Neruda

When I die, I want your hands on my eyes:
I want the light and wheat of your beloved hands
to pass their freshness over me once more:
I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny.

I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep.
I want your ears still to hear the wind, I want you
to sniff the sea's aroma that we loved together,
to continue to walk on the sand we walk on.

I want what I love to continue to live
and you, whom I love and sang above everything else
to continue to flourish, full-flowered:

so that you can teach everything my love directs you to,
so that my shadow can travel alone in your hair,
so that everything can learn the reason for my song.

te quiero y te extraño--andy mi amada

Cuando yo muera quiero tus manos en mis ojos:
quiero la luz y el trigo de tus manos amadas
pasar una vez más sobre mí su frescura:
sentir la suavidad que cambió mi destino.

Quiero que vivas mientras yo, dormido, te espero,
quiero que tus oídos sigan oyendo el viento,
que huelas el aroma del mar que amamos juntos
y que sigas pisando la arena que pisamos.

Quiero que lo que amo siga vivo
y a ti te amé y canté sobre todas las cosas,
por eso sigue tú floreciendo, florida,

para que alcances todo lo que mi amor te ordena.
para que se pasee mi sombra por tu pelo,
para que así conozcan la razón de mi canto.

(Besame Mucho) Kiss Me A Lot

Kiss me, give me many kisses,
As if tonight were
the last time.

Kiss me, give me many kisses,
for I'm scared to lose you,
lose you afterwards.

Kiss me, give me many kisses,
As if tonight were
the last time.

Kiss me, give me many kisses,
for I'm scared to lose you,
lose you afterwards.

I want to have you very close
To see myself in your eyes,
To see you next to me.
Think that perhaps tomorrow
I already will be far,
very far away from you.

Kiss me, give me many kisses,
As if tonight were
the last time.

Kiss me, give me many kisses,
for I'm scared to lose you,
lose you afterwards.

Kiss me, give me many kisses,
for I'm scared to lose you,
lose you afterwards.

Because I'm scared to lose you,
lose you afterwards.



Currently listening to:
Besame mucho



Dinner:
burritos de pollo (just a coincidence)
helado


Currently reading:
Healing ADD
a book about organizing (forgot the title)
NOTE: sold/donated many books today, but have tons more still---hoping to cut down on books storage and future clutter by using an eReader--only wish my public library had ebooks



Today grateful for:
the time i had with him
my energetic boys who love to dance and always can make me laugh
a beautiful autumn day
time and energy to tackle some household chores

Days to remember LOVE

I think Valentine's Day is a harder day to handle on this journey of grief than Christmas or other holidays. It is a day when we focus on those we love dearly. Andy is and always will be the love of my life. I would tell him that he was an answer to my prayers-in fact, he was a better answer than I had ever prayed for. God loved me that much--to not give me a spouse based upon my narrow set of expectations--but he gave me so much more in Andy.

Andy had a wonderful caring heart and was always the romantic . I used to kid him that he was definintely more in touch with his feminine side that I am. He was very secure in who he was. He had a wonderful sense of who you were and what you needed. He had the ability to see the value of people over tasks and things. He was quick to drop what he was doing to help you, give an encouraging word or just listen and love.

I knew he did these things for me, our family and friends. I had not realized how far reaching his love stretched until after he died and I began to receive online condolences from all over the world. In addition to how he loved his local friends, he had close relationships with many of his "gaming" friends. He gave to many through their professional struggles as well as their most difficult life struggles. I am amazed by how much he gave of himself. It is amazing how he found the time and energy to do so. It is truly a testament to how much of the Lord was in him to allow Andy to pour out so much love.

Andy was the kind of romantic person that movies could be based upon. He would say and do the most wonderfully, loving things. These were not canned lines or actions either. Andy would give you all that he had, down to the shirt on his back. I was not always the most appreciative of everything he would say to encourage me-I was especially hard to love or even live with on my self-perceived "fat and ugly" days-but he did it unconditionally and beautifully. When we were first dating, he stated that if you only take February 14th to dote on your lover than you are missing the point of love. He declared that the 14th of each month was "Lyn Day." In addition to his normal daily expressions of affection, he provided special attention to me on those 14th days each month. He never ceased to be able to surprise me. He made me feel loved, adored and appreciated every day. Andy was teaching me that God loved me enthusiastically and unreservedly.

Tim loves Valentine's Day because Andy would hide cards and notes to us, all over the house. I am carrying on that tradition for my boys.

Andy honored God by the love he showed for us. If you simply try to love everyone from your spouse, your children, your family, your friends, your pastor, your fellow church members, strangers, the lady in the express line with 22 items, your irritating coworkers, the drunken stranger, and that rageful driver on the road with a childlike, open acceptance, outpouring, and honor than you are living as Jesus expects and Andy did that.

I miss Andy's beautiful blue eyes, incredible heart, brillant thoughts, and tender smile!