send

 "as the Father sent Me, 

       I also send you." 

                   -john 20:21

today our worship service and a fellowship meal following were focused on a mission field that was over ten years in the making from our church.  i thoroughly enjoyed hearing the story of the history and prayers that were sowed into this mission field.

i know my purpose as a mother is to prepare my boys for their mission works...as disciples...as husbands...as fathers...as followers and believers.
most days i feel utterly inadequate for this task.

today, i felt pangs of my failure when my oldest went ahead of us to pick out seats for us at the fellowship luncheon.  with a choice of a dozen long tables with 30+ seats and a handful of small tables with 3-4 seats, he chose a segregated table for 3.  i felt i had failed him by my propensity towards introversion.

i have to fight the urge to become a hermit of sorts on a daily basis. but i know that in order to step out for God, i must be bold and seek out relationships.  i have to show and teach my boys this.  it means overcoming that desire for seclusion.  

part of the chronicle of the featured mission field at church is the song, "oceans," by hillsong. 

the highlighted words below from the song, mean a great deal to me.


And I will call upon Your name
 And keep my eyes above the waves
 When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

our pastor included matthew 16:18 in his teaching today.   

it is imperative and reassuring to remember the declaration of this verse, since it is horrifyingly apparent in this age, we are facing the "gates of hell" around the world.

the victory is WON! 

no matter what circumstances seem to show.... 

satan shall NOT, can NOT, will NOT prevail.

dinner:

leftovers (we have leftovers on the sabbath to minimize work)

currently reading:
2 blogs with lenten devotionals:         www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com

1 john 1

matthew 16

various psalms

the secret thoughts of an unlikely convert

24/6

today grateful for:

sunshine

worship

worship music and worship teams & choirs

God's truth

God's faithfulness

God's provision

the WORD

the sabbath

clean water

laughter

guidance

it was a tough weekend as our dear kitty passed away.  she was at least 16 years old and had cancer.  she had slowed down and had lost a great deal of weight and strength since the fall of 2014.  she was the sweetest cat--never hissed or clawed or scratched--in fact she was a bit of a "scaredy cat."  

i was dreading her death because i was worried about how the boys would take it.  my oldest has had the most intense reaction to her failing health.  there have a been a few weekends when we thought she was close to death.  on this past thursday, when she stopped eating and drinking i knew the end was near.  i am thankful for God's timing as this past week was spring break for my oldest.  so when the kitty began have small seizures on thursday night, my son spent the night on the floor next to her comforting her throughout the night.  i was glad he did not have school on friday as it was an emotional drain on him.  our kitty passed away just a bit after 8 pm on friday night.  my son was beside her, but he was not looking at her directly.  he wanted to hold himself guilty in that he thought if he had been looking at her and touching her, she would have lived longer.   

i know these type of guilty thoughts when one you love dies.  i had the same thoughts many times regarding my husband's death.  rethinking things i thought i should have and could have done to change the outcome.  hard thoughts.

this was another one of those times when i wish i was not the only adult in the house.  i would have relied on my husband.  when my first cat died in 1998 a few weeks before we were married, i could not handle even telling the vet that my decision was to have her euthanized.  andy took care of that.  

but this time, it was up to me.  i had to bag her body up and dig the hole.  it was hard and i prayed along every step of the process because i was at a loss for what to say and do.  

so many times since andy's death, people have remarked, "you are so strong."  it is a lie.  i have no strength in myself.  i am so thankful---i can call on God--the source of all my strength.

i am often surprised that i do not call on God as quickly and frequently as i should.  i would have thought i would be at a higher level of spiritual maturity at this point in life.  in my hindsight many times, i wonder why it has taken me hours and sometimes days before i turn to God for strength or answers.  

sadness, stress, decisions, conflicts and struggles can hit me hard.  i have recognized since andy's death that i battle with depression. as i look back i have battled it since i was young.  it just occurred to me this weekend, that this may have a deeper cause---and i should seek God's guidance in dealing with it---to ask HIm to show me, teach me.  He has probably showed me this solution before....but it has taken me a while to hear and listen and obey.

dinner:
leftovers

currently reading:
2 blogs with lenten devotionals:         www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com

john14-16

the secret thoughts of an unlikely convert

24/6

today grateful for:
life group

sunshine

God's truth

God's faithfulness

God's timing

God's provision

the WORD

the sabbath

a working automobile

sweet times with my boys

my oldest son's tender heart

snowy morning

no matter how dark the shadows or how deep the void looks in the night, the morning always comes.   

there is persistently hope.   

dawn seems most vivid in the winter.    

perhaps, when we ache for the warmth, the morning sun is brightest.

a new day brings new assurance and expectation.    

i was not lost in the abyss of the night.    

though i could not see in the dark, he never left me.   

even though i felt abandoned, He waited beside me.  

He lingered and guarded, waiting for my next move.   

waiting for me to speak His name or reach out my thoughts toward Him.   

the sunrise is the brilliant, circadian reminder that…

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,                                Because His compassions fail not.                                                              They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.                      “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,  “Therefore I hope in Him!”                 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him.          It is good that one should hope and wait quietly                                          For the salvation of the Lord.
              lamentations 3:22-26

breakfast:
oatmeal

coffee

currently reading:
2 blogs with lenten devotionals:         www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com

jeremiah 

lamentations 3

today grateful for:
a snowy morning

warmth

coffee

clean water

safety

His provision  

good health

the WORD

fire

the sun

snow days

i am thankful for a week of snow days, not for my usual reasons–

-a chance to sleep in, 

-a chance to do housework, 

-a chance to play in the snow with my boys, 

-a chance to read, 

-a chance to cook, or such---

---but because for most of the time i have chosen to stay home and think.   to meditate upon purpose and the Word in the holy days which begin the season of Lent… the 40 days leading up to Easter.  

i began reading and will continue to read two blogs which are focusing upon Lenten thoughts--- www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com .   these two writers have a gift for words which inspire me to seek more of God and His Word.

i want to accomplish a few things in the next 40 days---

---aiming my children’s thoughts daily upon God’s heart and His will 

---narrowing my focus and refocusing upon God, His heart and His love 

---eliminating things that take my focus away from God

tonight before we did our nightly “thankfuls,” i asked the boys to close their eyes and meditate as well as pray for God to show them meaning regarding the scripture Jeremiah 24:7.   i am aware any day could be my last and every moment i am given is the opportunity to point them towards seeking and hearing from God.   there will be times in their lives in which they will have to make  solemn and deliberate choices.    it is my task to prepare them as God directs.

wachet auf !!!

awake, arise !!!

dinner:
spaghetti

currently reading:
2 blogs with lenten devotionals:         www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com

jeremiah

today grateful for:
snow days

my boys

good health

the WORD

electricity, technology, and access to inspiration writing

a warm home

why i blog

i realized yesterday that i had posted only 1 blog entry in 2014.  the reason i continue to blog is for myself and my boys.  i wish i had posted more in 2014, simply for the sake of remembering.

this morning i sat in bed, after the dog woke me up for the 3rd time, and i read all of my previous January posts.  it interesting to look back. i can see where we have been spiritually and physically.  i can reminisce over things the boys or i did that i have forgotten.

an additional goal for the year for me is to find more quiet time and to post my reflections and recollections.

breakfast:
eggs and homemade bread

listening to:
silence (the boys are engulfed in screen time in the basement)

currently reading:
1 thessalonians 5

john 12

today grateful for:
sunday

a warm house and clean water

good health for my family

technology and electricity

God's peace

once a scout...

...always a scout. During the recent hurricane and after the recent minor earthquake, there were many reports in the media about preparedness. It always strikes me funny how folks run to the stores to prepare at the last minute for these events (snow storms included). I think the combination of my "type A" personality coupled with 14+ years as a girl scout means I usually have at least the minimal levels of physical preparedness. Simply having basic camping gear, means we have items for getting by without power--like a stove, fire-starters, flashlights, lanterns, a first aid kit and several tents. Since I lived on the coast for many years, I got used to losing power during about every other northeaster. So, I had oil lamps(before LED lamps these were some of the brightest), spare water, nonperishable food, and a manual can opener. A few months ago, Virginia had a tax-free hurricane preparedness weekend. I took that opportunity to purchase a solar powered, crank weather radio. It works well and is cool because it can be used to charge anything that can be charged with a USB plug, like cell phones, mp3 players, etc. During that weekend, I also restocked our backup water and battery supplies and prepared an emergency evacuation knapsack for us.

Nevertheless, the most important level of preparedness is spiritual. This month, I felt our family reached a new level of spiritual readiness since my youngest prayed to accept Christ. For days prior to this important event, he had been very concerned about death---his brother and I dying, the family pet dying and his own death. I have another post coming about this incredible occasion. Andy wrote a beautiful account about Tim accepting Christ. I wish Andy was here for this and to record this important event in our family.

Our reading streak=83 days

currently listening to:
coffee maker

dinner(last night):
mexican

currently reading:
prince caspian
getting things done
the reading promise
2 corinthians

today grateful for:
my boys
God
our good health
clean water
sleep

wax: in the heat of the moment

yesterday i tried something new at home-waxing. usually i have this done at the salon where i have my hair done and it is costly. in the past 15 years, i have felt more like the mom in my big, fat greek wedding-i have to tweeze regularly and often. okay, so i am vain in that i don't want to resemble some of the elderly women with gray, scraggly "goatees" i saw growing up. ----but wait waxing facial hair reflects our spiritual journey. okay, prior to this i had never thought of the hairiness of pre-menopausal women as a spiritual analogy. go figure.

this morning during my quiet time i read the following:
"When we lose sight of God, we become hard and dogmatic."-oswald chambers

the wax i am using comes in a microwaveable cup. you heat it up to make it usable. when it completely cools it is stiff and immovable. so i had a picture of the heat and light of the microwave keeping the wax at its ideal state of pliability for use. the minute you remove it from the microwave it begins to cool. i am like that wax-i am most pliable and usable when i am directly in god's light. the minute i go out i begin to "cool." wax by itself cannot maintain heat. the heat for pliability comes from the source of heat.

philippians 2

⁵ Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus... ⁸...... He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. ⁹ Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, ¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, ¹¹ and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. .... ¹³ for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure