Sunshine and dust

Last December as part of a book club, I read The Power of Agency by Dr. Paul Napper and Dr. Anthony Rao. Little did I know then, that the coming year would be one with very little time for agency.

“Agency is what allows you to pause, evaluate, and act when you face a challenge—be it at work, home, or anywhere else in the world” (Napper, 2019)

This year with increased work from my job, a new volunteer position, and having lost my house helper and carpool assistant, Tim, to college life, I have very minimal "agency" time. These days I struggle with distraction during my morning quiet times. 

In the years immediately following Andy's death, I clung to God as a small, terrified child who holds a death grip on his mother's leg for security. Those morning quiet times were never long enough. God spoke to me in those mornings and through His Word.  I was closer to God then, than any time previously. 

This week I had a reprieve with the Thanksgiving holiday. The university, school, and volunteer organizations were closed for Thursday, Friday, and the adjacent weekend. It takes me at least two days of any time off, to wind down and get past the chores and responsibilities to a place of mental retreat. 

This Sunday as I sat at the kitchen table searching scripture, sunshine flooded in through the window. I was occupied, desperately seeking God's face as I am certain He is preparing me for a yet to be revealed time or task. The sunlight illuminated the dust and dirt covering my table, chairs and floor. 

Didn't I just clean and mop this after dinner last night? Out of that distraction came insight.

God's Word is the light shining into my heart and mind, illuminating every speck, including what is not from Him. Proper introspection can come only from staying in daily touch with God--asking Him to show me and teach me.

currently listening to:
bread machine

currently reading: 
Genesis
The Cost of Discipleship
The Lazy Genius Way
The ministry of ordinary places
Stylish Academic Writing
1984

today grateful for:  
time with my boys
God's faithfulness
His word 
paid time off
modern technology and online church services
clean water 
sunshine

thankful, day 25

I am thankful for a working automobile and provision for gas and time. On my busier days I drive 60-70 miles carpooling and taking my boys to after-school activities-piano lessons, wrestling practice, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, karate lessons, school functions, youth group, etc.

dinner:
mac and cheese

listening to:
portable heater

currently reading:
pioneer woman cooks food from the frontier
proverbs
praying the scriptures for your teenager

today grateful for:
my boys
my eldest son's friends
the mom of one of my son's friends
friends/other moms who help with carpooling
two hour school delays
washing machine
warm clothes, warm house
my chess club kids
God's provision
the joy of the Lord
safety

thankful, day 16

I am thankful for this handsome, kindhearted, thoughtful, adventurous, smart, funny, honest, creative, fun-loving guy. I fell for him from day one----twelve years ago, today. 

 

dinner:
calzone

currently reading:
run your butt off
1 corinthians 13   
kizzy ann stamps  
praying the scriptures for your teenager

today grateful for:
my boys
memories
the indoor forest farmers market

thankful, day 15

I am thankful for this group of gals - the "young widows" or "merry widows" group.  No conversation is too serious or too silly with this group.  We dine, we fellowship, we console, we commiserate, we laugh, we encourage.Thanks Jill for being our "cruise director."

dinner:
hors d' oeuvres!!!

currently reading:
roll of thunder hear my cry
1 corinthians 13   
kizzy ann stamps  
praying the scriptures for your teenager

today grateful for:
my boys
friends
laughter
a great babysitter 
fridays

getting things done

GTD or getting things done is a book and system by David Allen. I have been beginning to implement this system in my worklife. Needless to say, now that I am back at work (even though my work life is MUCH more organized and my office and desk look great!) I am finding I do not have much energy when I get home at the end of the day. I need that extra energy at the end of the day for... time with the boys, fixing dinner, doing housework, exercising, blogging, etc. (That is why I have not blogged for quite sometime.)

Yesterday was a LONG day with tons of meetings and monkey-wrenches that had to be handled. The evening was supposed to be just for being with the boys...going to their school for open house/orientation. In the midst, I found out that my cell phone company had terminated my service because the bank had refused my check because it did not apparently like my account number. Turns out that the little guy, that's me, is getting the bad end of the deal as my big bank got swallowed up by a ginormous bank. I have learned in this past week that there are many more bad deals for us little guys to come from this mega bank. (Great! so now in my free time I get to search for and switch my bank.) Anywho, I was distracted by trying to handle all of this and I forgot to take my kids' big boxes of school supplies (which I spent a long time labeling night before last) to the school for orientation....my weekly "mom-forgot-something" moment. Even though I turned to fast food for our dinner, I did manage to get in our nightly reading session. I continue to be inspired by the actions of another single parent, librarian, written of in the Reading Promise. (We started our streak on June 8, 2011...73 days ago.)


A quote from Oswald Chambers I am ruminating over:
"Discouragement is disillusioned self-love, and self-love may be love for my devotion to Jesus— not love for Jesus Himself."

currently listening to:
my eldest turning the pages of his book as he reads for his required time(homework from mom)

dinner(last night):
fast food

currently reading:
the horse and his boy
unclutter your life in one week
the reading promise
romans

today grateful for:
my boys
God
provision
electricity
modern appliances
clean water
sleep