fear, safety and Pesach

This past weekend the boys and I drove to North Carolina to see my mom and attend a party she was throwing. Saturday morning we headed out for what is routinely a 3-4 hour trip. I prefer to drive in the AM because as I am aging I find that driving on the highway in the dark is more difficult. I am more alert and able to see better in the AM. After checking the weather, I knew we would be driving in the rain and that formidable weather was forecast for the area from southern NC to Georgia.

As I drove I repeatedly scanned the radio stations for weather information and EBS alerts. All was fine for the first two and a half hours, then I heard the tornado warning broadcast. I exited immediately only to find that there was not anything except another road at the end of the exit. So I immediately crossed back over to return to the interstate. I hoped that we would find another exit with a safe place to stop. However, within minutes the rain dumped on that section of the interstate with a torrential rain like I had never seen before. It went from bad to worse very rapidly. I asked T to pray as I focused on driving going about 5 mph with white-knuckled intensity. (M slept through the entire ordeal- Thank you, Lord!) I had to pull over because I could not see and I was startled each time another vehicle seemed to appear next to us out of nowhere. Tim and I sat holding hands and praying. I am grateful for praying in the Spirit because I was so gripped by fear that my own thoughts were inadequate.

I have thought a great deal about how I reacted to this weekend's situation. I think my fear comes from my inability to protect my children from something as powerful as weather. I have experienced this type of extreme fear only a few other times--the night Andy died is one of those. The look on his face as I stood beside his bed and spoke with the emergency dispatcher--that look is fixed in my memory. When I am mentally swept back to that night and that moment, I relive the grip that fear had on my heart.

I do not want fear to be my initial reaction to any situation. I am disappointed in my lack of spiritual maturity. Monday I read the following in my devotional:

“This battle for the heart of man is basically the determination of whether fear or faith will rule. Faith begins by knowing God's acceptance of us through the cross.”-Rick Joyner

Passover began this week and the boys and I celebrated with a Seder. This is the first year we have been off from school and work for Passover. (It just makes it easier to have the time to prep and enjoy the evening.) We recounted God's provision and miracles for the Israelites as they were delivered from slavery. We read of Jesus' celebration of Passover in the hours before his trial and crucifixion. We recalled God's provision for our salvation and we ended with our recollection of what God had done for us this year.

Most of what we are grateful for over the past year has to do with health and safety...

...T's successful surgery and healing, including the problem being much less severe than the doctor had anticipated thereby requiring a much simpler and shorter surgery

...our safety over the past year including this past weekend's ordeal

...the health and safety of our loved ones (amidst birth, surgeries, accidents, etc.)

I pray that next year at Passover, my recollection of the year will include how I reacted in faith not in fear.

Currently listening to:
Beautiful Scandalous Night by Sixpence None the Richer
Never Alone by Barlow Girl

Dinner:
Now on the first day of the Feast of the Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus, saying to Him, “Where do You want us to prepare for You to eat the Passover?” And He said, “Go into the city to a certain man, and say to him, ‘The Teacher says, “My time is at hand; I will keep the Passover at your house with My disciples.”‘ So the disciples did as Jesus had directed them; and they prepared the Passover. When evening had come, He sat down with the twelve. Matthew 26:17-20

When the hour had come, He sat down, and the twelve apostles with Him. Then He said to them, “With fervent desire I have desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer; for I say to you, I will no longer eat of it until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God.” Luke 22:14-16

Currently reading:
Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions
Devotion Explosion
Stories Behind the Traditions and Songs of Easter

Today grateful for:
my boys
God
the Bible
family
family nights