2 handfuls

the verse that i wrote on our chalkboard this week, is one i first read in beth moore's book, praying God's word.    years ago i highlighted this verse in my book and wrote it on a post-it note.   

to say that i am not good at house keeping is slight misstatement.    i struggle with clutter.   i could blame it on many things, but truth be told it is huge burden for me. 

the afternoon after i wrote this verse on the chalkboard i read the following from a book the secret thoughts of an unlikely convert.:

" I think that churches would be places of greater intimacy and growth in Christ if people stopped lying about what we need, what we fear, where we fail, and how we sin." -rosaria butterfield

when i read the quote it jumped off the page and so i posted it on facebook.   i added my own statement: "why is it so hard to unmask, stop judging and love--- in facing satan....we should be unified."  

why do we more readily embrace shame instead of His light.   i repeatedly try to digest my life verse that God gave me years ago when i struggled with a habitual sin:

those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. psalm 34:5

i wear a mask regarding my clutter.   only a few people besides my family have seen behind the closed doors.   i used to say to andy, i need to get at least a baseline clean ----meaning if someone comes to the door, i want to be able to open the door and not be horribly embarrassed.  

i experienced my own shame this past thursday, when i forgot that the "bug man" was coming.   usually i scurry and clean up the messiest things and places a day or two prior to his bimonthly treatments.   if i am too busy to do that, i have left a note on the front door asking him to just treat outside for that month.    but this week, we were home for a snow day and i just forgot.   my bedroom was a horrible mess with dirty laundry and stuff everywhere.   i had not cleaned up the cat's litter box mess in a day or so and there were piles of half boxed up christmas decorations blocking a pathway in the basement.   in the immediate years after andy's death, there have been times when i could barely get into my basement due to the piles of stuff and boxes except for a narrow pathway.

i have spent days and days and weeks and weeks trying to tackle the clutter.   on some occasions i make headway.    many times i struggle and fail to get through one box. my bedroom is my latest battlefield.   i have no explanation why i cannot gain victory over this stronghold.    i only go there to sleep.   most times i think to myself,  "if i die tonight, everyone will see this mess."

i continue to toil with 2 handfuls.   i know there is no security in the stuff.   i struggle.  

lunch:
leftovers

currently reading:
2 blogs with lenten devotionals:         www.shereadstruth.com and www.aholyexperience.com

1 peter

the secret thoughts of an unlikely convert

24/6

today grateful for:
corporate worship

good health

the WORD

the sabbath