Still the one

A free Saturday.....heading to the farmer's market....soaking it the autumn chill in the air....heading on a short road trip up to the apple orchard....all was peaceful until the song on the radio...

"You're still the one I run to

The one that I belong to

You're still the one I want for life"

Driving through the mountains on a beautiful fall day, the grief crept up and sucker punched me....like in the earlier years.

It has been almost 6 years and I thought the grief had thinned so I wasn't prepared. Driving down the road sobbing...then it hit me. It was 16 years....16 years ago today that I first met him. I can remember the moment like it was yesterday. These were not the sort of thoughts to help hold back the flood of tears.

On my mind lately has been the idea of whether I want or could handle a new person in my life.  Over the past few months folks have wanted to fix me up. I go back and forth in my mind...
a companion would be nice but....

I don't want anyone to take his place...
I had my chance in this life and now it's gone...
My kids deserve a Godly man in their lives...
No one can be as good a dad as he was...
God will have to drop him right in front of me...
I will have to take at least a step forward...
oh, GOOD GRIEF!

Yesterday would have been our 16th anniversary. Last week would have been Andy's 49th birthday.

But on the bright side, I am thankful that I can remember today for how it ended.

My youngest was invited for his first sleep over so, T and I got to have an evening out. I decided to make it his special dinner, a few weeks early of his thirteenth birthday and give him his purity ring. We had a fun time and I wish Andy could have been here.

dinner:
Waterstone Pizza

listening to:
tv

currently reading:
praying the scriptures for your teenagers

Acts

today grateful for:
my boys

God's presence

mountains

autumn

apples and pumpkins

laughter and tears