Day 17

Yesterday was day 17 of my personal project. To tell you the truth, I have fallen behind in my tallies.(My goal is to pick up where I lost count since quitting is not an option.) I have spent the week attempting to return to complete health. I have felt like I was coming down with something all week and I was concerned since a number of my students have the week long nasty form of the stomach virus or flu.

I am blessed in that I have been able to. function in my necessary activities. I was blessed even more so today when I broke a tooth. I was able to get an emergency appointment with my dentist to get it fixed after work and before the boys child care center closed. An awesome blessing of timing and provision! I have had many times this week when all I could manage was soup and tea. I have not exercised, not because I was not able-I could have pushed myself-I have done that before. What concerns me is that if I exercise I drain my body and push it further into sickness. I have done that on several occasions before when my husband was alive. Twice by competing in races then to be laid up for several days. I cannot afford even one day of debilitating sickness.

As a single working mom with young children, there is no room for any bedridden illnesses. There are things I must do for my children-drive them to daycare and school, fix meals (esp. with the food sensitivity issues of my youngest), make sure the go to bed and wake up on time. I have thought through and tried to prepare for more serious scenarios. My oldest could call 911 if anything dire happened to me while he was with me. I made an emergency card which I carry in my wallet listing who my children are, where they go to school, as well as local and long distance contacts. I have thought through what would happen if I were in an accident on my way to pick up my children and I did not show up to pick them up. Worst case scenario-something happens and no one knows where I am or who I am. This weekend my main local and long distance contacts will be unavailable. It is not that I fear my own death, I worry about what such a loss would do to my fatherless, young children.

I know that God is in control and any control, I feel I have, is really a farce. I know what scripture says about fear and worry. I have several of those scriptures planted in my heart, but I cannot seem to get my head in on this bandwagon. I struggle with the opponent of "worry" on what seems to be a regular basis. I wish he, worry, could be strong-armed and defeated easily and removed permanently from my thoughts. Like so many opponents, when I have a victory, I tend to turn my back and move on to other things. Meanwhile, he sneaks up and catches me off-guard.

When I started writing this post, I had no intention of going down this morose trail of thoughts. I was just going to update my February progress.

Currently listening to:
boys playing (they woke up at 5:40 AM)

Dinner (last night):
soup & a smoothie b/c of my dental work
fast food for the boys

Currently reading:
Matthew
Best Friends with God
A Grace Disguised

Today grateful for:
my boys
good health
a great dentist
insurance
a great daycare
God's provision
God's faithfulness and love